i like doing this from time to time... so much in our lives has changed since having harper it only makes sense to share!
you know you're a momma when:
- your baby gets bored playing peek-a-boo long before you do.
- when you hold your kitty you start to bounce her.
- or even worse when you are holding a box and realize you are bouncing it...
- you look forward to 10 pm when your little goes down so you can finally have time with your husband.
- some days it just isn't worth it changing out of your clothes that have been spit up on.
- you're still amazed that such a tiny thing can take up so. much. space. in your house
- you reach high new octaves with your voice you never thought existed in trying to make your little one smile.
- your cell phone memory is constantly full from all the picture texts you send to friends and family.
- as much as you love that incredible sweater at forever 21 you know harper needs winter clothes that fit so you wait to see if there is enough money left over for the sweater after shopping for her.
- you wonder how much longer "night night" "eyesies" "twosie" "poo poo" and "toot" will take to become integrated into your normal "grown up" language.
what a joy it is to be parent!!! i say that with no sarcasm whatsoever.
this little piggy
Friday, December 18, 2009
Harper has discovered her piggies!!!!
and she sure does love them.
any chance she gets, she has them.
what an amazing gift it is to watch them grow, learn, discover and change!
no crib for a bed
i thought for sure people would have been distracted and irritated for letting a crying baby stay on the stage for so long. but after the show at least 7 people told me how wonderful it was to hear her cry and it added so much to the realness of it.
it was great to hear that it didn't take away from the show and actually added to it! for the other shows while she was so perfect and quiet [and sleeping for one of them] people said they didn't even know she was a real baby!
here is harper with mary. her name is natasha and me and john could both tell she was SO honored and SO excited to get to hold harper. she would come back into the sound booth and talk to her and play with her. harper responded very well to natasha! as tiring and overwhelming as it can be with everyone knowing us and wanting to know harper and hold her, it really is such a blessing to be so loved.
sweet child o' mine
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Harper is playing baby Jesus in the Christmas musical at church. It's pretty cute.
She usually does really well, but during the performance tonight she started to cry while "Mary" was holding her. At first it was just a little cry, but then it turned into a wail.
Emily was up there with her, yet it took everything in me not to run up on the stage and hold her. I could tell she was a little scared, and I wanted to save her.
I kept thinking about how God does the same thing with us. He hears our cries and His heart aches with us. He wants to scoop us up and hold us in His arms while He tells us everything is okay because he has got us.
But He can't. Just like I couldn't with Harper. Not becaus eof the play, but because sometimes she has to cry. She has to experience pain. Or else she becomes a rotten, spoiled person.
But it doesn't mean I don't care.
Just because God doesn't swoop in and save us, does not mean He doesn't care.
He is our Father. He aches with us and for us.
But He can't always save us...
She usually does really well, but during the performance tonight she started to cry while "Mary" was holding her. At first it was just a little cry, but then it turned into a wail.
Emily was up there with her, yet it took everything in me not to run up on the stage and hold her. I could tell she was a little scared, and I wanted to save her.
I kept thinking about how God does the same thing with us. He hears our cries and His heart aches with us. He wants to scoop us up and hold us in His arms while He tells us everything is okay because he has got us.
But He can't. Just like I couldn't with Harper. Not becaus eof the play, but because sometimes she has to cry. She has to experience pain. Or else she becomes a rotten, spoiled person.
But it doesn't mean I don't care.
Just because God doesn't swoop in and save us, does not mean He doesn't care.
He is our Father. He aches with us and for us.
But He can't always save us...
away in a manger
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
this is harper's nativity scene. a nice woman at our church bought it for her. :) it brought me so much joy to set it up as the nativity scene is my very favorite thing to set up at christmastime.
baby jesus always goes in last. i always say a prayer while putting him in, thanking God for giving us his son to die, so that we may live.i think i have a different perspective this year on the intensity and sacrifice it took to give his son. his only son.
harper is baby jesus at the christmas musical at our church this year. while at rehearsal the other night, everyone, i mean everyone was oohing and ahhing over her. telling me, [while they are supposed to be singing,] how beautiful she is. their faces were bright and people laughed while watching her. i wonder if it's just a tiny taste of how mary felt when the wise men and shepherds came to jesus.
in luke 2:19 it says "mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart."
i felt so thankful and full of joy while everyone was admiring harper. in a christmas musical. with a fake mary and joseph. and harper is a girl. let alone a normal human being. not the messiah.
i can't imagine how mary felt.
she likes it, she really likes it!
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Harper eating her cereal...
At first she didn't know what to think of it...
...but about halfway through she decided she LOVED it!
at one point she had her mouth open waiting for her next bite while banging the tray! we couldn't get it in her mouth quick enough.
now when we put her in her chair she gets really excited and anxiously awaits her food! it's amazing how quickly they learn. i can't believe in 2 months she will already be eating baby food.
oh harper. you grow too fast. but we're so proud of you.
how do you measure a year?
Monday, November 30, 2009
i took it and waited for the minutes to tick by so i could confirm i wasn't pregnant. i picked up the test to toss it in the trash and as i glanced at it thought i saw a positive result. i brought it inches from my eyes and there they were, plain as day, 2 dark pink lines. it was a positive, 100% for sure yes i am pregnant result.
i stared at them for seconds and whispered "holy shit" as my body started shaking. i ran out of the bathroom and into the worship center where john was setting up. he just looked up from his work and smiled one of the biggest smiles i have seen. he came over to me and i said, "i'm pregnant!" and he said," yeah i figured!" we laughed together for long time.
after that moment was over it was so strange cause you just wait. there is nothing else to do unless you are going to start telling people right away. your life is about to make one its biggest changes and you have nothing else to do but wait...
doctor's visits help the waiting, but the due date just seems forever away.
40 and a half weeks later the waiting was over!
you know you're a momma when...
Monday, November 23, 2009
Your freezer is now with filled with teethers and breast milk, overtaking room for frozen pizzas and drumsticks.
Your once very cute and perfectly organized living room now is filled with baby toys, jumperoos, diapers and bouncy chairs.
All of your personal space is shared and everywhere you look, you find her things.
You have sunshades in your car windows. [yes, I refused to have "baby on board" anything]
Half of your clothes still sit in your closet waiting to be worn again cause they just aren't conducive to breastfeeding.
Lastly, you realize none of it matters to you at all. :)
Baldilocks
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Harper is getting some fuzz!!!!
It's very fine and soft. She likes when I rub it. She smiles and moves her head with my hand. It also helps her to fall asleep.Harper isn't baldilocks anymore!!!
Not a newborn anymore.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Harper girl has officially grown out of her newborn clothes.
I need to get a plastic bin to store them. It especially made me sad when I folded up her noah's ark onesie. It's what she was wearing the first time I told her loved her. I am very sentimental like that.
I also had to put away the outfit she wore coming home from the hospital. That hurt too.
How can I be so proud of my girl for growing, yet so sad at the same time?
I guess that's one of life's ultimate catch 22's.
2,303 Hours in
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Being a dad is amazing.
The love, hopes, fears, desires, joy, exhaustion, and wonder are so fun. Every day is something new.
It's astonishing watching Harper.
The way everything is new to her. How quickly she's beginning to learn things. How strong she's becoming. I love it when I get up with her in the morning, and as soon as she sees my face peek over the crib her pacifier falls out of her mouth she smiles so big.
It melts me. Every time.
I can't imagine what it will be like when she's calls out to me. Or says she loves me. Or runs into my arms after I get home from work.
What a precious gift.
The love, hopes, fears, desires, joy, exhaustion, and wonder are so fun. Every day is something new.
It's astonishing watching Harper.
The way everything is new to her. How quickly she's beginning to learn things. How strong she's becoming. I love it when I get up with her in the morning, and as soon as she sees my face peek over the crib her pacifier falls out of her mouth she smiles so big.
It melts me. Every time.
I can't imagine what it will be like when she's calls out to me. Or says she loves me. Or runs into my arms after I get home from work.
What a precious gift.
rubber duckie you're the one, you make bathtime so much fun
Saturday, November 14, 2009
She doesn't know what to think of her new friend...
She decides to let her duck sit on her chest while she checks it out...
And finally, the obvious display of acceptance.
Harper + Yellow Duck = besties???
I guess the end of this story has yet to be written.
Roll Over Beethoven
Monday, November 2, 2009
Harper rolled over yesterday. Twice!
She rolled over from her tummy to her back. The look on her face was just as surprised as we were! The smile on her face after doing it was precious! Accomplished and proud. :)--if babies can have those feelings?
My mom saw it first and I think that is so special for her. She hasn't been around for many firsts. No one has. But on the other hand she hasn't had too many firsts. There are many many more to come and lots of opportunities to share them with the ones we love.
Right now Harper is watching Baby Einstein lullabies. She is talking away and smiling at the TV. When the guitar starts to play and they show a picture of it she smiles.
I don't think that's a coincidence. Not even a little bit.
She rolled over from her tummy to her back. The look on her face was just as surprised as we were! The smile on her face after doing it was precious! Accomplished and proud. :)--if babies can have those feelings?
My mom saw it first and I think that is so special for her. She hasn't been around for many firsts. No one has. But on the other hand she hasn't had too many firsts. There are many many more to come and lots of opportunities to share them with the ones we love.
Right now Harper is watching Baby Einstein lullabies. She is talking away and smiling at the TV. When the guitar starts to play and they show a picture of it she smiles.
I don't think that's a coincidence. Not even a little bit.
she does more than poo, sleep, cry and eat now!
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Harper talks a lot. It is one of the most sweetest sounds we have ever heard. She talks to us and responds to singing. I could listen to it all day. She coos and coos while watching tv or talking to her toys. It's incredible to me this is how we all started out. Einstein and Corky alike.
She is also sleeping in her crib now! She talks to her mobile and loves to hear the music. She seems to like being in her room! She should, it's filled with things from people who love her very much. :)
Her reactions to us are becoming more and more prominent everyday! She talks to us when she sees us and when I go get her in the middle of the night she smiles at me. John told me the other morning he got her and laid her down while she was waking up. As she slowly opened her eyes she realized she was looking at her daddy and smiled.
We love to watch her grow. :)
She is also sleeping in her crib now! She talks to her mobile and loves to hear the music. She seems to like being in her room! She should, it's filled with things from people who love her very much. :)
Her reactions to us are becoming more and more prominent everyday! She talks to us when she sees us and when I go get her in the middle of the night she smiles at me. John told me the other morning he got her and laid her down while she was waking up. As she slowly opened her eyes she realized she was looking at her daddy and smiled.
We love to watch her grow. :)
reach for the....little lion.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Harper is trying to reach for things! She loves her animals that hang above her in her bouncy chair and looking at them just isn't good enough for her anymore. :)
It's so incredible to watch the wheels turn as she reaches and when actually she touches it, her eyes get big like she has surprised herself. She tries over and over and doesn't give up easily and is seems like she tries to "aim" her hand, just can't quite control where it goes. She hasn't gripped anything yet, but we know she wants to. Her lion animal sings songs and purrs when the ring is pulled on and she smiles BIG when she hears it. We think she wants to pull it herself!!!
Scientists say some babies show dominance on which hand they will use from an early age. About a week ago Harper started showing dominance with which hand she reaches with.
Guess which hand she has been using?
Her LEFT!!!
Finally...something that resembles me. :) Let's see if it stays that way. My mom said I was left handed from the get-go.
Have I ever mentioned how absolutely incredible and rewarding it is to watch a human grow? It's the reason I've been involved with kiddos in some form or another since I was 12. But WOW, to watch your own child grow right before your eyes? I can't even think of a word to describe how fascinating it is.
does supercalafragalisticexpealidocious fit?
It's so incredible to watch the wheels turn as she reaches and when actually she touches it, her eyes get big like she has surprised herself. She tries over and over and doesn't give up easily and is seems like she tries to "aim" her hand, just can't quite control where it goes. She hasn't gripped anything yet, but we know she wants to. Her lion animal sings songs and purrs when the ring is pulled on and she smiles BIG when she hears it. We think she wants to pull it herself!!!
Scientists say some babies show dominance on which hand they will use from an early age. About a week ago Harper started showing dominance with which hand she reaches with.
Guess which hand she has been using?
Her LEFT!!!
Finally...something that resembles me. :) Let's see if it stays that way. My mom said I was left handed from the get-go.
Have I ever mentioned how absolutely incredible and rewarding it is to watch a human grow? It's the reason I've been involved with kiddos in some form or another since I was 12. But WOW, to watch your own child grow right before your eyes? I can't even think of a word to describe how fascinating it is.
does supercalafragalisticexpealidocious fit?
shots and stats
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Today was the big day. Today Harper got her shots.
Her immunizations included:
Hepatitis B
Diptheria, Tetanus & Pertussis
Polio
Pneumococcal Disease
Hib [NOT to be confused with HIV] :)
Rotavirus
When we saw this list a little over a month ago we was amazed at all the vaccines they wanted to shoot our daughter up with. We thought it was a little outrageous and wanted to research why and if they were all necessary.
We went to the Center for Disease Control website and read up each vaccine. We discovered they have made great strides in developing the vaccines and they can now give a minute dose for each vaccine. Her total viral protein intake is less than mine or John's was when we were babies and we received less vaccines. To state it simply, they have increased the vaccines but decreased the amount needed to fight the disease.
After a lot of research and reading, we decided we would let her receive all of her immunizations.
She did an amazing job. John held her and hummed to her while she got her 3 shots. She let out quite a scream and many baby tears fell. We even heard a new cry. A quivery one, accompanied with a bright red face and holding her breath before letting it all go. After they were done, John held her and soothed her and she fell asleep. She only cried for about 5 minutes and I'm pretty sure it was harder on me than it was on her.
I was pretty stressed about it all day and a good, wise friend of mine told me "This is one of the greatest lessons in parenting: Giving them what it needs, even when it hurts."
She also had her 2 month appointment today!
Her new and updated stats:
Weight:
10 lbs 8oz (42%) a teeny bit below average
Height:
23.5" (89%) above average!!!
Head Size:
15" (51%) right on average
The doctor gave her an A+ again!!! He said Harper is tall and thin, but that's ok, and they like to see that. :)
[Not so fun] Fact:
Did you know 1 in 5 preschoolers is obese??? I read that while waiting for the doctor today...
Her immunizations included:
Hepatitis B
Diptheria, Tetanus & Pertussis
Polio
Pneumococcal Disease
Hib [NOT to be confused with HIV] :)
Rotavirus
When we saw this list a little over a month ago we was amazed at all the vaccines they wanted to shoot our daughter up with. We thought it was a little outrageous and wanted to research why and if they were all necessary.
We went to the Center for Disease Control website and read up each vaccine. We discovered they have made great strides in developing the vaccines and they can now give a minute dose for each vaccine. Her total viral protein intake is less than mine or John's was when we were babies and we received less vaccines. To state it simply, they have increased the vaccines but decreased the amount needed to fight the disease.
After a lot of research and reading, we decided we would let her receive all of her immunizations.
She did an amazing job. John held her and hummed to her while she got her 3 shots. She let out quite a scream and many baby tears fell. We even heard a new cry. A quivery one, accompanied with a bright red face and holding her breath before letting it all go. After they were done, John held her and soothed her and she fell asleep. She only cried for about 5 minutes and I'm pretty sure it was harder on me than it was on her.
I was pretty stressed about it all day and a good, wise friend of mine told me "This is one of the greatest lessons in parenting: Giving them what it needs, even when it hurts."
She also had her 2 month appointment today!
Her new and updated stats:
Weight:
10 lbs 8oz (42%) a teeny bit below average
Height:
23.5" (89%) above average!!!
Head Size:
15" (51%) right on average
The doctor gave her an A+ again!!! He said Harper is tall and thin, but that's ok, and they like to see that. :)
[Not so fun] Fact:
Did you know 1 in 5 preschoolers is obese??? I read that while waiting for the doctor today...
goo goo gaa gaa
Monday, October 12, 2009
Me and John both had dreams about what Harper's first word was...
John dreampt it was ELBOW
I dreampt it was CASH MONEY
Good Grief.
John dreampt it was ELBOW
I dreampt it was CASH MONEY
Good Grief.
tick tock
Friday, October 9, 2009
"Don't ever wish the time away"
This is some of the best advice I have ever received. My dear friend Kris Giannosa told me this while I was still pregnant. So I try to take in every moment, as I already feel those precious moments slipping through my fingers.
Her face is already so different and she becomes stronger everyday. Her newborn clothes are getting snug and she has lost her newborn cry. She lost the newborn smell weeks ago and her slate gray eyes are slowly changing color. Her "waking up stretch" [as I called it] happens less and less and she doesn't sleep in her "baby bean" position anymore.
Honestly, some days this feels so overwhelming. Like I'm missing so much or not taking it all in. Although I know in my heart I am doing my best to not miss a moment, she is growing so fast and I just can't believe how quickly these last 8 weeks have flown by. And it will only go by quicker and quicker.
Thank you God, for our daughter. Thank you for her strength and health. Thank you for her beautiful smile and for entrusting her to us. Help us to raise her in a way that makes you proud and represents you.
This is some of the best advice I have ever received. My dear friend Kris Giannosa told me this while I was still pregnant. So I try to take in every moment, as I already feel those precious moments slipping through my fingers.
Her face is already so different and she becomes stronger everyday. Her newborn clothes are getting snug and she has lost her newborn cry. She lost the newborn smell weeks ago and her slate gray eyes are slowly changing color. Her "waking up stretch" [as I called it] happens less and less and she doesn't sleep in her "baby bean" position anymore.
Honestly, some days this feels so overwhelming. Like I'm missing so much or not taking it all in. Although I know in my heart I am doing my best to not miss a moment, she is growing so fast and I just can't believe how quickly these last 8 weeks have flown by. And it will only go by quicker and quicker.
Thank you God, for our daughter. Thank you for her strength and health. Thank you for her beautiful smile and for entrusting her to us. Help us to raise her in a way that makes you proud and represents you.
and the Z montser finally wins!
Harper slept through the night for the 1st time!
She slept from 11pm until 7am on Sept 25th. She was 6 weeks and 1 day old! We have only had 2 or 3 more nights like it since, but we are thankful nonetheless!
She usually sleeps from midnight until 5 or 6am, so I really can't complain. We are looking forward to when she starts sleeping for 12 hours at a stretch. But I have to admit, even though the late night feedings are exhausting, I enjoy very much that quiet time with her while she eats. I sing to her and talk to her while she smiles and squeaks away.
She slept from 11pm until 7am on Sept 25th. She was 6 weeks and 1 day old! We have only had 2 or 3 more nights like it since, but we are thankful nonetheless!
She usually sleeps from midnight until 5 or 6am, so I really can't complain. We are looking forward to when she starts sleeping for 12 hours at a stretch. But I have to admit, even though the late night feedings are exhausting, I enjoy very much that quiet time with her while she eats. I sing to her and talk to her while she smiles and squeaks away.
BIG girls don't cry
Thursday, October 8, 2009
This past week and a half our little Harper has really seemed to enter a new phase!
Her crying has been reduced to when she needs something instead of crying "just because." She cries for all of the obvious reasons, but when she is awake she smiles and coos and likes to hang out. Even 2 weeks ago, if she was awake, she would fuss and cry. Yesterday she was laying in front of the tv for 20 minutes after waking up from a nap before she got bored and cried for me to come pick her up.
I have been able to get more things done around the house. Me and John went to the store today and she was perfect. We are very proud of her. :) She isn't ALL consuming anymore.
Just mostly consuming.
Her crying has been reduced to when she needs something instead of crying "just because." She cries for all of the obvious reasons, but when she is awake she smiles and coos and likes to hang out. Even 2 weeks ago, if she was awake, she would fuss and cry. Yesterday she was laying in front of the tv for 20 minutes after waking up from a nap before she got bored and cried for me to come pick her up.
I have been able to get more things done around the house. Me and John went to the store today and she was perfect. We are very proud of her. :) She isn't ALL consuming anymore.
Just mostly consuming.
Goin' on & on till the break of dawn.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Harper has experienced some reflux. This week has been rough at times with nights that have gone till 4 am for both me and John. 4 am seems to be the breaking point, cause on my night I woke John up and he stayed up with her till 6 am. Same for him.
I'm pretty sure the reflux was brought on by what I ate. I'm still trying to figure out what I can and cannot eat. So far I know I can't have beans or anything spicy at all. For those of you who know me this is very hard since mexican is my very favorite food and the spicier, the better. Ugh. It breaks my heart!!!
I thought maybe she would be used to the mexican food since I are it constantly while pregnant-I always order extra jalapenos on everything!
On my night I was up with her I had a coke after dinner and I'm pretty sure that's what kept her awake and I had a very very vinegar-y salad for dinner and that's what made her sick. I just did everything wrong that night... :)
Since then I have taken anything out of my diet that I think could effect her and things have been 100% better. She is all smiles and cooing and pooping normally again.
Trading out of the spicy food is an easy decision when you have a baby spitting up constantly and screaming till the sun comes up.
I'm pretty sure the reflux was brought on by what I ate. I'm still trying to figure out what I can and cannot eat. So far I know I can't have beans or anything spicy at all. For those of you who know me this is very hard since mexican is my very favorite food and the spicier, the better. Ugh. It breaks my heart!!!
I thought maybe she would be used to the mexican food since I are it constantly while pregnant-I always order extra jalapenos on everything!
On my night I was up with her I had a coke after dinner and I'm pretty sure that's what kept her awake and I had a very very vinegar-y salad for dinner and that's what made her sick. I just did everything wrong that night... :)
Since then I have taken anything out of my diet that I think could effect her and things have been 100% better. She is all smiles and cooing and pooping normally again.
Trading out of the spicy food is an easy decision when you have a baby spitting up constantly and screaming till the sun comes up.
busta rhyme
Monday, September 28, 2009
john's version of a nursery rhyme:
patty cake patty cake baker's man
bake me a cake as fast as you can
roll it
and toss it
and...
[long pause and an "uhhhh"]
...put it in the oven for an hour at 350.
i like it better.
patty cake patty cake baker's man
bake me a cake as fast as you can
roll it
and toss it
and...
[long pause and an "uhhhh"]
...put it in the oven for an hour at 350.
i like it better.
cry me a river
Thursday, September 24, 2009
We've come to learn Harper's cries!
Well, most of them. Most of the time.
Hungry Cry:
Imagine a little lamb bleeting. Now replace the 'B' from baa, with an M. Maa!! Maaaa! Maaaaaa! Very very cute. It's a cry I don't mind hearing.
Her Mad Cry. Or as I like to call it, "Bulls on Parade":
It's like winding up a toy. You wind it to its max and then you release it. When Harper is pissed she holds it in while it builds and when she lets go it is loud and mad and she turns bright red. Her voice strains and her body tenses. It is big cry for a tiny baby. When ever I hear this cry "Bulls on Parade" plays in my head. Don't ask me why. But my guess would be a mad song matching a mad cry.
Lonely Cry:
When she notices she is all alone in a room she starts whimpering. She kicks her little legs like she is riding a bike and whines. It starts off quiet but quickly gets louder. It builds till you pick her up and give her lovins. She usually starts smiling right away. :)
Hurt Cry:
This cry breaks my heart. She opens her eyes and her little chin and mouth quiver as she cries. It's not as loud as the mad cry. It's a hurt cry. I don't know how else to explain it. When she has a tummy ache or gas and we can't fix it and she has been crying for awhile she calms down, but has a look in her eyes like she has been defeated. Poor baby!!! It really is heartbreaking.
Tired Cry. Or "Gentleman, Start your Engines":
This one makes me laugh. She sounds like an engine revving. WhAAaaAAaaAAaa! MmmmMmmmMmm! WhAAaaAAaaAA! Hilarious. And when we have to bounce her to sleep it only intensifies.
It's amazing how they still manage to communicate by crying. Although we are really looking forward to when she can tell us what she wants by using her words.
got milk?
Monday, September 14, 2009
I do.
And apparently I have too much.
Yesterday John noticed Harper's poo wasn't her normal color and consistency. We thought nothing of it and went about our day as normal. Last night, well around 3 am, as I was feeding her she seemed to be having a very hard time latching on and was extremely cranky and frustrated. Again, I just thought maybe she was tired (like me :) ) and having a hard time eating. She was screaming and her face was bright red as she was trying to eat. I could tell she was pissed and hungry and just couldn't seem to work it out. She ate a tiny bit, I swaddled her, calmed her down and we both went back to bed.
This morning as I was trying to feed her I noticed something was a little off. You see, babies love love love to be with their moms while they are eating. Harper even seems to dink around while eating just so she can stay with me longer. She smiles and falls asleep and takes her sweet time. This morning it was like she hated being there with me. She wouldn't stop screaming and was flailing her arms all over. She would latch on, eat for a minute then pull off, screaming. This happened every time I fed her today. To top it off she was cranky and irritable all day and wouldn't sleep and barely ate. -That makes for one unhappy Harper.
This evening while John was changing her diaper (in the middle of another screaming fit) he noticed her poo was extremely different in color and consistency. I googled it and instantly we found our answer:
Mom's who make too much milk can have babies that suffer from not getting enough "hindmilk"-The fatty portion of the milk. They get full before they get to the fatty part.
All of our symptoms matched me and Harper to a T. The irritability. The unhappiness while eating. The green poo. The choking and gasping for air while eating. Even the symptoms for me. It was so exciting to figure out what was wrong with our baby. We pulled out some of the milk we had froze, put it into a bottle and she guzzled it down instantly and quickly and has been sleeping ever since.
So I have to stop pumping for a couple days to slow my production and do something called "blockfeeding" which I don't understand enough about to explain. But I know the jist of it is to feed on 1 side several times before switching to the other. Things should be back to normal in a couple days.
Karen (John's mom) brought to my attention how incredible it is that Harper instinctively knew that milk wasn't good enough for her. How God made our bodies to signal us when something is wrong. As soon as she tasted the milk we had frozen, she drank it, cause it was good and had what she needed and she knew it.
I kinda wonder if there is actually any biological reason her poo is green when she doesn't get enough hindmilk. It wouldn't surprise me if it's only to warn us something is wrong.
Thank God for green shit.
And apparently I have too much.
Yesterday John noticed Harper's poo wasn't her normal color and consistency. We thought nothing of it and went about our day as normal. Last night, well around 3 am, as I was feeding her she seemed to be having a very hard time latching on and was extremely cranky and frustrated. Again, I just thought maybe she was tired (like me :) ) and having a hard time eating. She was screaming and her face was bright red as she was trying to eat. I could tell she was pissed and hungry and just couldn't seem to work it out. She ate a tiny bit, I swaddled her, calmed her down and we both went back to bed.
This morning as I was trying to feed her I noticed something was a little off. You see, babies love love love to be with their moms while they are eating. Harper even seems to dink around while eating just so she can stay with me longer. She smiles and falls asleep and takes her sweet time. This morning it was like she hated being there with me. She wouldn't stop screaming and was flailing her arms all over. She would latch on, eat for a minute then pull off, screaming. This happened every time I fed her today. To top it off she was cranky and irritable all day and wouldn't sleep and barely ate. -That makes for one unhappy Harper.
This evening while John was changing her diaper (in the middle of another screaming fit) he noticed her poo was extremely different in color and consistency. I googled it and instantly we found our answer:
Mom's who make too much milk can have babies that suffer from not getting enough "hindmilk"-The fatty portion of the milk. They get full before they get to the fatty part.
All of our symptoms matched me and Harper to a T. The irritability. The unhappiness while eating. The green poo. The choking and gasping for air while eating. Even the symptoms for me. It was so exciting to figure out what was wrong with our baby. We pulled out some of the milk we had froze, put it into a bottle and she guzzled it down instantly and quickly and has been sleeping ever since.
So I have to stop pumping for a couple days to slow my production and do something called "blockfeeding" which I don't understand enough about to explain. But I know the jist of it is to feed on 1 side several times before switching to the other. Things should be back to normal in a couple days.
Karen (John's mom) brought to my attention how incredible it is that Harper instinctively knew that milk wasn't good enough for her. How God made our bodies to signal us when something is wrong. As soon as she tasted the milk we had frozen, she drank it, cause it was good and had what she needed and she knew it.
I kinda wonder if there is actually any biological reason her poo is green when she doesn't get enough hindmilk. It wouldn't surprise me if it's only to warn us something is wrong.
Thank God for green shit.
A time for pain and a time to heal
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
The rest of Harper's belly button scab fell off today! It has completely grossed me out from the very beginning. On her very 1st appointment I asked the doctor to cut the clip off cause changing her diaper and having to see it made me queasy. And when the leftover "pinched skin" scab fell off I didn't even look at it, my mom just told me it happened. But I didn't get off completely free... as I was feeding her today the remainder of the bloody part fell off and onto my lap. I flicked it off instantly! But it was fun looking at her belly button for the 1st time!!! Man, am I relieved that process is through. I wonder if she'll be an inny or an outie?!?
Harper gets her shots next month and we need to research which ones we do and don't want her to have. The list they gave us had about a dozen immunizations and we have a hard time believing she needs all of them. We will keep you posted about what we choose.
I had my postpartum check up today. Everything is healing up really well! She said almost all of the stitches are gone! I have lost all but 4 pounds of my pregnancy weight and we talked about our birth control options. I have been having nightmares about being pregnant again. I am just not ready to relive it yet!!! Our doctor gave us info about an IUD and to our surprise insurance covers the cost 100%! So we have an appointment at the end of October, we just need to decide which IUD is right for us. In the meantime, it's back on the pill for me.
We are doing good. Harper is getting so big and already trying to crawl when we lay her on her tummy. My healing process is almost complete and I'm so thankful because it has been tedious. John is an amazing father with a 6th sense about what Harper needs. Right know he is teaching his mom what she likes and doesn't like when she is fussy. :) Breast feedng is still going very well and Harper sleeps on average aout 5 hours straight in a night!
We have many friends right now that are pregnant and as EXCITED as we are for them, I am so thankful I'm not pregnant anymore. We'll want to be pregnant again someday. But someday is not today.
Fun Fact: All but 1 of the girls that were in our wedding are pregnant/expecting a baby!!!
Harper gets her shots next month and we need to research which ones we do and don't want her to have. The list they gave us had about a dozen immunizations and we have a hard time believing she needs all of them. We will keep you posted about what we choose.
I had my postpartum check up today. Everything is healing up really well! She said almost all of the stitches are gone! I have lost all but 4 pounds of my pregnancy weight and we talked about our birth control options. I have been having nightmares about being pregnant again. I am just not ready to relive it yet!!! Our doctor gave us info about an IUD and to our surprise insurance covers the cost 100%! So we have an appointment at the end of October, we just need to decide which IUD is right for us. In the meantime, it's back on the pill for me.
We are doing good. Harper is getting so big and already trying to crawl when we lay her on her tummy. My healing process is almost complete and I'm so thankful because it has been tedious. John is an amazing father with a 6th sense about what Harper needs. Right know he is teaching his mom what she likes and doesn't like when she is fussy. :) Breast feedng is still going very well and Harper sleeps on average aout 5 hours straight in a night!
We have many friends right now that are pregnant and as EXCITED as we are for them, I am so thankful I'm not pregnant anymore. We'll want to be pregnant again someday. But someday is not today.
Fun Fact: All but 1 of the girls that were in our wedding are pregnant/expecting a baby!!!
Abuela
Monday, September 7, 2009
John's mom, Karen came from Nicaragua Saturday night to meet Harper! We were really looking forward to having her come, but super, super excited to have her meet Harper. Her 1st and only grandbaby!
The minute Karen saw her she kissed her, talked to her and held her. She had been waiting for 3 weeks to meet her and she said her heart was aching to hold her. It was a very sweet moment to witness. And John and I were very happy Harper was wide awake and in a good mood when she met her Grandma.
So one more down and A LOT more to go. -People that have yet to meet her :)
Kansas, Colorado, Nicaragua, Indiana, Texas, California. Lotsa love from lotsa different places. Harper needs a couple of those T shirts that say "Somebody in .... loves me!"
The minute Karen saw her she kissed her, talked to her and held her. She had been waiting for 3 weeks to meet her and she said her heart was aching to hold her. It was a very sweet moment to witness. And John and I were very happy Harper was wide awake and in a good mood when she met her Grandma.
So one more down and A LOT more to go. -People that have yet to meet her :)
Kansas, Colorado, Nicaragua, Indiana, Texas, California. Lotsa love from lotsa different places. Harper needs a couple of those T shirts that say "Somebody in .... loves me!"
harper sucks.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
only literally!!!!
she learned how to suck on a binky on tuesday and today she learned how to eat from a bottle!!!
Establishing the breastfeeding before introducing the binky and bottle is very important or else babies get confused with how to suck. 3 weeks old is usually a safe time to give them the other stuff. When babies breastfeed they suck using the back of their mouths and when they bottle feed they suck with the front of their mouths. And it seemed like it was exactly right timing because the breastfeeding really turn a huge corner just this week. It's a pretty big accomplishment for a little baby. It took her a couple hours to figure out the binky and only a couple minutes to learn the bottle.
Surprisingly, I was a little concerned with the bottle feeding. I was nervous she would feel abandoned by me, although we're only feeding her with a bottle when we go out and 1 of the nighttime feedings. But I've already fed her once since her 1st bottle feeding and she did perfect. 3 weeks ago I never would have guessed I would enjoy breastfeeding. It came as a complete shock to me.
We are very proud of Harper for doing so well! It's funny to me how proud parents get of their little ones for the tiniest things. We praise her for a good burp, a big poo, sleeping for more than 2 hours, holding her head up, being awake for so much, for smiling and the list could go on and on. We even praise her for her loud cries. She's got some lungs on her!!!
If you want to see her eating from a bottle for the 1st time you can go to youtube.com/familyosburn.
she learned how to suck on a binky on tuesday and today she learned how to eat from a bottle!!!
Establishing the breastfeeding before introducing the binky and bottle is very important or else babies get confused with how to suck. 3 weeks old is usually a safe time to give them the other stuff. When babies breastfeed they suck using the back of their mouths and when they bottle feed they suck with the front of their mouths. And it seemed like it was exactly right timing because the breastfeeding really turn a huge corner just this week. It's a pretty big accomplishment for a little baby. It took her a couple hours to figure out the binky and only a couple minutes to learn the bottle.
Surprisingly, I was a little concerned with the bottle feeding. I was nervous she would feel abandoned by me, although we're only feeding her with a bottle when we go out and 1 of the nighttime feedings. But I've already fed her once since her 1st bottle feeding and she did perfect. 3 weeks ago I never would have guessed I would enjoy breastfeeding. It came as a complete shock to me.
We are very proud of Harper for doing so well! It's funny to me how proud parents get of their little ones for the tiniest things. We praise her for a good burp, a big poo, sleeping for more than 2 hours, holding her head up, being awake for so much, for smiling and the list could go on and on. We even praise her for her loud cries. She's got some lungs on her!!!
If you want to see her eating from a bottle for the 1st time you can go to youtube.com/familyosburn.
let's talk about me
Monday, August 31, 2009
It's been 2 weeks and 5 days since Harper was born and I thought it was time to give an update on how I'm doing.
The good, the bad and the ugly.
Body:
Doing good. I'm healing well from my episiotomy and I rarely have pain. My skin is still sensitive on my stomach and when Olivia wants to walk all over me it hurts and I have to move her. I think she is catching the drift cause she lays on my legs now. :) For about 2 weeks all the muscles in my body were achy- felt like I got an ass whoopin'--I guess that's pretty much what happened. And getting used to the way my body looks after having had a baby is tough, but I have to remember I'm still not at my best yet. I just have to be patient. But again, things are going well in that department as well. It amazes me that a womans' body can actually heal from shoving a human out of your *gulp* bajingo.
Mind:
Also, dong well. I still have to control my thoughts, especially when I'm tired. That's when it's the hardest. When I'm exhausted and running on empty I get the most discouraged. I haven't felt the "I'm SO not equipped to be a mother" moment. -I know I will and I'll have many. I have had to battle the "John is a better parent cause Harper stops crying when he holds her" moments though. I guess that's kinds the same thing... and that's a slippery slope.
Heart:
This is where it gets a little tricky. I am doing much much better than I was, but whether it's crazy post pregnant hormones, wishing we could be home to share this with our families and friends, the lack of sleep, healing, hating breastfeeding or a combination of all, it's been rough. It was hard for me when Harper was first born because I thought I would love her the second I saw her. That overwhelming, crying your eyes out, love. And I didn't experience that. At all. She felt like a stranger to me. A stranger that put me in a lot of pain, stole all my sleep and made me uncomfortable for 9 months. I didn't have any regret, I just felt lost.
The breastfeeding was hell. It hurt and we were both learning how to do it. She needed to eat every hour and a half and it felt like it was all I did and it was very painful. Who would want to subject themselves to more pain?!? And the idea of me producing milk really weirded me out. I felt heferish-in the true sense of the word. Now at almost 3 weeks we are so much better and it isn't as challenging anymore. I still don't like it, but the perseverance paid off. It usually does. :)
I miss home more than I ever have. We anticipated that, I just want our family and friends to get to hold her, love her and hang out with her! There are SO many people that have yet to meet her and it just doesn't feel complete without her having met them. They all will, eventually and it will make it that much sweeter when they do.
To sum it all up, I don't feel as lost. We are figuring things out. When I look at her I see my Harper. Our daughter. She makes me heart smile.
And that love I was waiting for? It came. Just in littler pieces, over a longer period of time. But it's everything I thought it would be and as overwhelming as I hoped. There is no disappointment there. Or anywhere, for that matter.
The good, the bad and the ugly.
Body:
Doing good. I'm healing well from my episiotomy and I rarely have pain. My skin is still sensitive on my stomach and when Olivia wants to walk all over me it hurts and I have to move her. I think she is catching the drift cause she lays on my legs now. :) For about 2 weeks all the muscles in my body were achy- felt like I got an ass whoopin'--I guess that's pretty much what happened. And getting used to the way my body looks after having had a baby is tough, but I have to remember I'm still not at my best yet. I just have to be patient. But again, things are going well in that department as well. It amazes me that a womans' body can actually heal from shoving a human out of your *gulp* bajingo.
Mind:
Also, dong well. I still have to control my thoughts, especially when I'm tired. That's when it's the hardest. When I'm exhausted and running on empty I get the most discouraged. I haven't felt the "I'm SO not equipped to be a mother" moment. -I know I will and I'll have many. I have had to battle the "John is a better parent cause Harper stops crying when he holds her" moments though. I guess that's kinds the same thing... and that's a slippery slope.
Heart:
This is where it gets a little tricky. I am doing much much better than I was, but whether it's crazy post pregnant hormones, wishing we could be home to share this with our families and friends, the lack of sleep, healing, hating breastfeeding or a combination of all, it's been rough. It was hard for me when Harper was first born because I thought I would love her the second I saw her. That overwhelming, crying your eyes out, love. And I didn't experience that. At all. She felt like a stranger to me. A stranger that put me in a lot of pain, stole all my sleep and made me uncomfortable for 9 months. I didn't have any regret, I just felt lost.
The breastfeeding was hell. It hurt and we were both learning how to do it. She needed to eat every hour and a half and it felt like it was all I did and it was very painful. Who would want to subject themselves to more pain?!? And the idea of me producing milk really weirded me out. I felt heferish-in the true sense of the word. Now at almost 3 weeks we are so much better and it isn't as challenging anymore. I still don't like it, but the perseverance paid off. It usually does. :)
I miss home more than I ever have. We anticipated that, I just want our family and friends to get to hold her, love her and hang out with her! There are SO many people that have yet to meet her and it just doesn't feel complete without her having met them. They all will, eventually and it will make it that much sweeter when they do.
To sum it all up, I don't feel as lost. We are figuring things out. When I look at her I see my Harper. Our daughter. She makes me heart smile.
And that love I was waiting for? It came. Just in littler pieces, over a longer period of time. But it's everything I thought it would be and as overwhelming as I hoped. There is no disappointment there. Or anywhere, for that matter.
harper's stats
Friday, August 28, 2009
August 13th- 8 lbs 4 oz.
19 3/4 inches long.
August 17th- 7 lbs. 12 oz.
20 inches long
Head circumference: 13 3/4 inches
August 27th- 8 lbs 11 oz
21 3/4 inches long
Head circumference: 14 1/4 inches
Her growth percentiles:
August 13th- Weight: 67%
Height: 61%
August 17th- Weight: 51%
Height: 64%
August 27th- Weight: 64%
Height: 92% WOW!!!
We have such a big, healthy girl!!! We are so proud of her. She is growing up strong and so healthy. She can already hold her head up.
Sometimes it seems I take my health for granted. Last year, while working with special needs children I saw for the first time how blessed I am to be healthy-and I don't see Harper's health any differently. So many cell divisions and replications and crazy, miraculous nerve networkng things happen while making a human. And we are truly blessed and extremely thankful God gave us a healthy happy child.
She is incredible. Perfect and beautiful.
19 3/4 inches long.
August 17th- 7 lbs. 12 oz.
20 inches long
Head circumference: 13 3/4 inches
August 27th- 8 lbs 11 oz
21 3/4 inches long
Head circumference: 14 1/4 inches
Her growth percentiles:
August 13th- Weight: 67%
Height: 61%
August 17th- Weight: 51%
Height: 64%
August 27th- Weight: 64%
Height: 92% WOW!!!
We have such a big, healthy girl!!! We are so proud of her. She is growing up strong and so healthy. She can already hold her head up.
Sometimes it seems I take my health for granted. Last year, while working with special needs children I saw for the first time how blessed I am to be healthy-and I don't see Harper's health any differently. So many cell divisions and replications and crazy, miraculous nerve networkng things happen while making a human. And we are truly blessed and extremely thankful God gave us a healthy happy child.
She is incredible. Perfect and beautiful.
11 days in...
Monday, August 24, 2009
Eyes- For sure Johnny's. Her eyes are still gray, but the shape are 100% his.
Nose- Again, John's fo' sho'. It was the 1st thing I noticed!
Mouth- John says she has mine. I don't quite see it, but she doesn't have John's. We'll see, I guess. :)
Ears- Don't know. Maybe she just has her own.
Hands- The only feature she has that I know resembles me! She has very long, delicate fingers!
Feet- Oh my gosh. She has MASSIVE feet. She has john's hammer toes! John is size 12 and she doesn't seem too far behind him. :)
Scowl- So I have this scowl...I've had it ever since I can remember and I've had wrinkles in between my eyes from it since a young age! She has it and every time she scowls at us it makes us laugh out loud!
She farts like no one's business. It sounds like a grown man who just had Chimichangas with an extra side of beans for dinner.
Her cry is getting louder and she has real tears now.
She examines our faces and responds to our voices. When she calms down from me or John's talking it melts our hearts.
She is smiling!!! I know all the books say it can't be possible and that it's just gas, but I don't believe it! She smiles when we poke her tummy or make funny noises.
She is so alert. Her eyes are wide open most of the time and she examines patterns on the wall. She also loves to watch tv! The colors and noises captivate her little mind!
And of course with no surprise to us, she loves music. While we were at church yesterday she was so happy and content when the music started and John began singing. The loud drums and dynamics of the songs never once phased her.
She has already changed so much! She is happy little baby. We love to watch her. We completely adore her.
Especially when she lets us sleep :)
Nose- Again, John's fo' sho'. It was the 1st thing I noticed!
Mouth- John says she has mine. I don't quite see it, but she doesn't have John's. We'll see, I guess. :)
Ears- Don't know. Maybe she just has her own.
Hands- The only feature she has that I know resembles me! She has very long, delicate fingers!
Feet- Oh my gosh. She has MASSIVE feet. She has john's hammer toes! John is size 12 and she doesn't seem too far behind him. :)
Scowl- So I have this scowl...I've had it ever since I can remember and I've had wrinkles in between my eyes from it since a young age! She has it and every time she scowls at us it makes us laugh out loud!
She farts like no one's business. It sounds like a grown man who just had Chimichangas with an extra side of beans for dinner.
Her cry is getting louder and she has real tears now.
She examines our faces and responds to our voices. When she calms down from me or John's talking it melts our hearts.
She is smiling!!! I know all the books say it can't be possible and that it's just gas, but I don't believe it! She smiles when we poke her tummy or make funny noises.
She is so alert. Her eyes are wide open most of the time and she examines patterns on the wall. She also loves to watch tv! The colors and noises captivate her little mind!
And of course with no surprise to us, she loves music. While we were at church yesterday she was so happy and content when the music started and John began singing. The loud drums and dynamics of the songs never once phased her.
She has already changed so much! She is happy little baby. We love to watch her. We completely adore her.
Especially when she lets us sleep :)
Pain before the Beauty
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
We were due August 5th. The 5th came and went with no activity at all. In fact, we spent the day in San Fransisco! I had been having contractions for about 2 weeks, but they weren't painful and I was discouraged when I went to the doctor on the 5th and found out I still hadn't dilated at all. So they had a plan to induce me the following Wednesday.
Wed, Aug 12th finally came and we went into the doctor at 9 am and they sent us over to the hospital to be induced. The minute they said those words my mind kind of shut down and I went into a very quiet place in my mind. We got to the hospital about 10:45, checked in, and more waiting began. They finally started the IV drip of pitocin about 4 pm and we just sat around, played cards and watched movies.
At 10 pm the midwife came in and told me they had decided to take me off the pitocin and give me a pill that would help to soften my cervix. (remember, it's my cervix that seems to be the problem here; my uterus is a champ!) It's a pill that is given every 4 hours until your cervix is soft enough, so again I felt a little discouraged knowing it could be many hours until I was on the pitocin again, but on the other hand if the pitocin wasn't doing anything it was time wasted anyway. At 11 pm I got the pill and an Ambien to help me sleep. It worked fast!!! I felt drunk; While we were watching Conan, I kept commenting on how BJ Novak looked like a midget!
At 4.45 am they came in and said my cervix was completely ready. The joy of that was short lived because as the midwife was examining me she said "I'm gonna help you out a little bit." I had no idea what she meant by that until sharp stabbing pains radiated through my body and I started shaking uncontrollably. It got more and more intense until she said "There, now you are at 3cm." She dilated me from a 0 to a 3 with her fingers, but the pain quickly went away. Honestly, I'm thankful she didn't tell me what she was gonna do before she did it.
I stayed awake watching "Birth Stories" on the Discovery Health Channel; whether that was a good idea or not i don't know. :) John was up by 6 and I was starting to feel a little pain by then, but it was completely manageable and I was still able to relax and breathe through each contraction. John and I had been practicing controlling my thoughts and relaxing for over 5 months because our wish from the very beginning was to have a completely natural childbirth. Getting induced was disappointing because we started out with drugs. Plus, pitocin tends to make labor a little more intense than natural labor. NOT because the pain is less but because in a natural labor the pattern of a contraction builds and then goes back down completely. While an induced labor the contraction builds, then only goes down about halfway, then builds again.
At about 9 am, Susan, my mid-wife, came in just to make sure everything was going okay. I was excited when I saw her because I had seen 3 or 4 times at the doctors office, and I really liked her. She seemed so confident and caring and straight-forward. I trusted her.
She checked me, and I was still at 3 cm. But told me she could stretch me to four. She decided to break my water and said it would speed up the whole process. I was discouraged about the dilation being at 3 still, but hopeful that the water breakage would speed it up.
Soon after that, my mom and sister had come back into the room. I was beginning to feel more intense pain, but I was still doing okay. My mom and Mary started playing cards on the couch, while John sat by my side and talked me through each contraction.
The pain kept getting worse with each passing one, until at 10 am I had to start moaning through each contraction. I felt like I was yelling, but John and Mary both said I wasn't. I was having contractions every 3 minutes that lasted for about 90 seconds each. That means that I had only 90 seconds between each one to relax and regroup. John said it looked as if I were falling asleep between each one. (John: Emily did incredible with this. For 5 months we had talked about regrouping between each contraction, and here she was getting so relaxed, she looked to be asleep. I couldn't be prouder!)
By 10:30 I decided I needed some help with the pain. I wanted to make sure I had some progress though before I took them because they were only effective for an hour and you could only get four doses. I knew that if I was still at 3 cm, then I wouldn't make it all the way to 10 without an epidural. I was hoping to be at 7 or 8 before I had anything at all. John went to the nurses station to ask them to check me. Jackie, my nurse, came in and checked me out. Again. At first she said I was still at four maybe a five. She told me she was going to leave her hand there during my next contraction. I guess this would let her know how strong my contractions were and it would also stimulate my cervix, and she said it would help to speed things up even more.
Again, I was disappointed at the progress but encouraged that things were going to speed up.
At 10:45 I couldn't take the pain anymore. John went to get Jackie, and she came into my room to give me some fentanyl. It's a narcotic that is supposed to dull the pain. It doesn't take the pain away, just takes the edge off so that you can relax a little easier; that's what they said anyway. The more you can relax, the quicker you will dilate. Jackie said she'd have to wait until my next contraction to give it to me so that the baby wouldn't get too much of it.
When my next contraction came she gave me the fentanyl and asked if I could feel it. I told her I couldn't feel any difference, but John said later that it helped me to relax.
About 10 minutes after she after left my contractions began to get really painful. John sat with me holding my hands and helped me through each contraction. In my mind, I was trying to focus on each contraction bringing me closer to the end, but the idea of an epidural began to creep in a little more with every one- although I still wasn't willing to give in just yet. Like I said, we had been "training" for this delivery for many months and we both weren't willing to throw in the towel.
For 45 minutes we went through this. 90 seconds of intense pain followed by 90 seconds of complete exhaustion.
At 11:30, I began to have the strong impulse to push. Just then Jackie walked in. I told her I had to push, and she said she wanted to see the progress I had made, but I definitely couldn't push. She didn't think there was anyway I could have gone from 5 cm to 10 cm dilation in 45 minutes.
But I did!
As soon as she checked me, she doubted herself and checked again. Then she said I could push! The relief was overwhelming. I had just gotten to the point where I felt I couldn't go on. My mom said her labor went extremely fast and when she reached 10 cm she felt something had to give. She felt either an epidural or pushing was in order!!! My experience seemed to be the same!
When I began to push, the pain became much more bearable. It was still painful, but it was a different pain. During the contractions right before I got to push were exhausting because I had to focus so hard on not pushing; Just being able to push was a huge relief. Holding back from pushing while everything in your body is trying to push s extremely uncomfortable, painful and very exhausting. Taking short quick breaths (kind of like panting) was the only way I was able to bear through it.
I think I surprised the nurse with how well I could push. She asked me if I was sure I'd never had kids before. That felt so encouraging to hear. With every push I imagined every last bit of strength focusing right onto the point of where I was pushing. I pushed for about 10 minutes before Susan came in to see the progress. She also made a comment about good I was at pushing. It felt good to hear.
The pain was still very intense, but it felt so good to push. Like I was made to do it.
I pushed for a minute every 3 minutes for 70 minutes. I remember several times feeling her move back up after I was done pushing. It felt I was taking two steps forward and one step back. Which frustrated me!
As Harper's head was coming out, Susan had to give me an episiotomy. She said these were very normal for fast births just like mine. I remember thinking that I would finally know if it's true that you can't feel when they cut you. You don't.
After two more pushes, her head was all the way out. The weirdest thing I felt during my whole labor was when her shoulders rotated out. I actually asked the midwife what was going on. It was the only time I thought I was going to burst open. She told me it was just her shoulders and there was nothing to worry about.
Right after that she said, "Reach down and grab your baby, Emily!" As I pulled her up and set her on my chest, her eyes were wide open, and I thought, "So this is what you look like." I made sure she was a girl, noticed she didn't have a conehead, she was not covered in that white waxy stuff, her hands and feet were peely, (from being a week overdue) and I decided that I thought she was pretty! :) Not all weird looking like a bunch of babies immediately after birth. I looked up at John and saw a couple little tears, and then he looked at me and gave me the sweetest smile. Then he said, "Hi, baby. I'm your daddy." She picked up her head and strained her neck to look back at him.
That moment gave me a glimpse into human kind. It was something that could never be captured in a movie, or song, or blog. The intensity is something that still overwhelms my heart a over a week later. I hope it continues to overwhelm me.
John cut her umbilical cord and we held her for about an hour.
The most relieving part of birth, the part that every woman can look forward to, was when the placenta came out. I instantly felt like I wasn't prego anymore!!! It was great news for someone who didn't enjoy being pregnant, like me.
Although our birth was not what we expected, we're both so pleased. Our biggest goal was to not have an epidural, and to keep myself under control. We accomplished them both.
It was piece of cake.
Almost.
Wed, Aug 12th finally came and we went into the doctor at 9 am and they sent us over to the hospital to be induced. The minute they said those words my mind kind of shut down and I went into a very quiet place in my mind. We got to the hospital about 10:45, checked in, and more waiting began. They finally started the IV drip of pitocin about 4 pm and we just sat around, played cards and watched movies.
At 10 pm the midwife came in and told me they had decided to take me off the pitocin and give me a pill that would help to soften my cervix. (remember, it's my cervix that seems to be the problem here; my uterus is a champ!) It's a pill that is given every 4 hours until your cervix is soft enough, so again I felt a little discouraged knowing it could be many hours until I was on the pitocin again, but on the other hand if the pitocin wasn't doing anything it was time wasted anyway. At 11 pm I got the pill and an Ambien to help me sleep. It worked fast!!! I felt drunk; While we were watching Conan, I kept commenting on how BJ Novak looked like a midget!
At 4.45 am they came in and said my cervix was completely ready. The joy of that was short lived because as the midwife was examining me she said "I'm gonna help you out a little bit." I had no idea what she meant by that until sharp stabbing pains radiated through my body and I started shaking uncontrollably. It got more and more intense until she said "There, now you are at 3cm." She dilated me from a 0 to a 3 with her fingers, but the pain quickly went away. Honestly, I'm thankful she didn't tell me what she was gonna do before she did it.
I stayed awake watching "Birth Stories" on the Discovery Health Channel; whether that was a good idea or not i don't know. :) John was up by 6 and I was starting to feel a little pain by then, but it was completely manageable and I was still able to relax and breathe through each contraction. John and I had been practicing controlling my thoughts and relaxing for over 5 months because our wish from the very beginning was to have a completely natural childbirth. Getting induced was disappointing because we started out with drugs. Plus, pitocin tends to make labor a little more intense than natural labor. NOT because the pain is less but because in a natural labor the pattern of a contraction builds and then goes back down completely. While an induced labor the contraction builds, then only goes down about halfway, then builds again.
At about 9 am, Susan, my mid-wife, came in just to make sure everything was going okay. I was excited when I saw her because I had seen 3 or 4 times at the doctors office, and I really liked her. She seemed so confident and caring and straight-forward. I trusted her.
She checked me, and I was still at 3 cm. But told me she could stretch me to four. She decided to break my water and said it would speed up the whole process. I was discouraged about the dilation being at 3 still, but hopeful that the water breakage would speed it up.
Soon after that, my mom and sister had come back into the room. I was beginning to feel more intense pain, but I was still doing okay. My mom and Mary started playing cards on the couch, while John sat by my side and talked me through each contraction.
The pain kept getting worse with each passing one, until at 10 am I had to start moaning through each contraction. I felt like I was yelling, but John and Mary both said I wasn't. I was having contractions every 3 minutes that lasted for about 90 seconds each. That means that I had only 90 seconds between each one to relax and regroup. John said it looked as if I were falling asleep between each one. (John: Emily did incredible with this. For 5 months we had talked about regrouping between each contraction, and here she was getting so relaxed, she looked to be asleep. I couldn't be prouder!)
By 10:30 I decided I needed some help with the pain. I wanted to make sure I had some progress though before I took them because they were only effective for an hour and you could only get four doses. I knew that if I was still at 3 cm, then I wouldn't make it all the way to 10 without an epidural. I was hoping to be at 7 or 8 before I had anything at all. John went to the nurses station to ask them to check me. Jackie, my nurse, came in and checked me out. Again. At first she said I was still at four maybe a five. She told me she was going to leave her hand there during my next contraction. I guess this would let her know how strong my contractions were and it would also stimulate my cervix, and she said it would help to speed things up even more.
Again, I was disappointed at the progress but encouraged that things were going to speed up.
At 10:45 I couldn't take the pain anymore. John went to get Jackie, and she came into my room to give me some fentanyl. It's a narcotic that is supposed to dull the pain. It doesn't take the pain away, just takes the edge off so that you can relax a little easier; that's what they said anyway. The more you can relax, the quicker you will dilate. Jackie said she'd have to wait until my next contraction to give it to me so that the baby wouldn't get too much of it.
When my next contraction came she gave me the fentanyl and asked if I could feel it. I told her I couldn't feel any difference, but John said later that it helped me to relax.
About 10 minutes after she after left my contractions began to get really painful. John sat with me holding my hands and helped me through each contraction. In my mind, I was trying to focus on each contraction bringing me closer to the end, but the idea of an epidural began to creep in a little more with every one- although I still wasn't willing to give in just yet. Like I said, we had been "training" for this delivery for many months and we both weren't willing to throw in the towel.
For 45 minutes we went through this. 90 seconds of intense pain followed by 90 seconds of complete exhaustion.
At 11:30, I began to have the strong impulse to push. Just then Jackie walked in. I told her I had to push, and she said she wanted to see the progress I had made, but I definitely couldn't push. She didn't think there was anyway I could have gone from 5 cm to 10 cm dilation in 45 minutes.
But I did!
As soon as she checked me, she doubted herself and checked again. Then she said I could push! The relief was overwhelming. I had just gotten to the point where I felt I couldn't go on. My mom said her labor went extremely fast and when she reached 10 cm she felt something had to give. She felt either an epidural or pushing was in order!!! My experience seemed to be the same!
When I began to push, the pain became much more bearable. It was still painful, but it was a different pain. During the contractions right before I got to push were exhausting because I had to focus so hard on not pushing; Just being able to push was a huge relief. Holding back from pushing while everything in your body is trying to push s extremely uncomfortable, painful and very exhausting. Taking short quick breaths (kind of like panting) was the only way I was able to bear through it.
I think I surprised the nurse with how well I could push. She asked me if I was sure I'd never had kids before. That felt so encouraging to hear. With every push I imagined every last bit of strength focusing right onto the point of where I was pushing. I pushed for about 10 minutes before Susan came in to see the progress. She also made a comment about good I was at pushing. It felt good to hear.
The pain was still very intense, but it felt so good to push. Like I was made to do it.
I pushed for a minute every 3 minutes for 70 minutes. I remember several times feeling her move back up after I was done pushing. It felt I was taking two steps forward and one step back. Which frustrated me!
As Harper's head was coming out, Susan had to give me an episiotomy. She said these were very normal for fast births just like mine. I remember thinking that I would finally know if it's true that you can't feel when they cut you. You don't.
After two more pushes, her head was all the way out. The weirdest thing I felt during my whole labor was when her shoulders rotated out. I actually asked the midwife what was going on. It was the only time I thought I was going to burst open. She told me it was just her shoulders and there was nothing to worry about.
Right after that she said, "Reach down and grab your baby, Emily!" As I pulled her up and set her on my chest, her eyes were wide open, and I thought, "So this is what you look like." I made sure she was a girl, noticed she didn't have a conehead, she was not covered in that white waxy stuff, her hands and feet were peely, (from being a week overdue) and I decided that I thought she was pretty! :) Not all weird looking like a bunch of babies immediately after birth. I looked up at John and saw a couple little tears, and then he looked at me and gave me the sweetest smile. Then he said, "Hi, baby. I'm your daddy." She picked up her head and strained her neck to look back at him.
That moment gave me a glimpse into human kind. It was something that could never be captured in a movie, or song, or blog. The intensity is something that still overwhelms my heart a over a week later. I hope it continues to overwhelm me.
John cut her umbilical cord and we held her for about an hour.
The most relieving part of birth, the part that every woman can look forward to, was when the placenta came out. I instantly felt like I wasn't prego anymore!!! It was great news for someone who didn't enjoy being pregnant, like me.
Although our birth was not what we expected, we're both so pleased. Our biggest goal was to not have an epidural, and to keep myself under control. We accomplished them both.
It was piece of cake.
Almost.
What’s in a name?
Friday, August 14, 2009
Romeo said, “What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." While we do think this true for some things, we also believe that a name has a very strong influence over someone.
We see it in almost every culture throughout the history of man. In each of the big three monotheistic religions people are renamed after their conversions. They become Abraham or Peter or Muhammad. Their new names describe who they are, what their purpose is, and what the hopes of the name-giver are.
So, let us explain Harper Shalom Ivy Osburn.
Harper literally means “one who plays the harp,” but the connotation is much, much deeper. Here is what you are saying every time you call our daughter Harper.
In Judaism, the harp is an instrument of joy. It’s the instrument that was used to sing songs of praise and thanks to YHWH. It was the instrument used to compose those songs. Just a brief survey of the Old Testament gives a lot of examples.
In 1 Samuel, immediately after Saul is anointed with oil, he is told to go up the mountain where he will meet prophets playing the harp and lyre, and there the Spirit of the Lord will come upon and he will be changed into a new man. When Saul is struggling with depression later on in life, David comes and plays the harp for him; his mood is always lifted. We see this still today. Music can change our moods, our outlook, the way we perceive things. It makes scary movies scarier, love stories more romantic, and sad moments heart wrenching. Music has a direct connection with the soul.
We hope that Harper is the same way. We pray that she is able to connect with people in a way that seems super-natural. We dream that she will be able to lift moods, reveal emotions, and influence those around her in great ways.
Again in 1 Samuel, Saul is looking for someone to play the harp for him. His servant says, ”I have seen a son of Jesse of Bethlehem who knows how to play the harp. He is a brave man and a warrior. He speaks well and is a fine-looking man. And the LORD is with him." David is the only man that God says is after His heart. David was the greatest king in the history Israel. David was a fierce warrior, and a brave fighter. Above all, though, he was a man after God’s heart.
And he is introduced as one who knows how to play the harp. This was the first way we see him being used. We believe that one of the chief reasons David was able to be so intimate with God was because of his ability to sing and play the harp. We believe that the hours he spent strumming, gave him time contemplate his Lover.
That is our biggest prayer for Harper. That she will be someone who is after God’s heart. That she won’t seek fame or fortune or comfort, but that she will be a woman who seeks His work and face and heart. May she be a person who not only makes time, but makes it a priority to be with her Savior. May she know Him in ways that very few have.
Lastly, by giving her the name Harper, we’re naming her after her father. I’ve always been someone who loved music. I’ve always been someone who sought to use music to make a difference in the world and in individual lives. I hope that we can pass on to her the love and appreciation that we have for music.
Shalom literally translates from Hebrew as peace. It can also be used as a greeting, kind of like aloha. But, again, it’s connotation is much more. A more complete translation would include the words completeness, wholeness, health, peace, welfare, safety soundness, tranquility, prosperity, perfectness, fullness, rest, harmony, the absence of agitation or discord.
The eastern word of namaste has a similar connotation. Most practitioners of Hindu and Buddhism would translate it as the Spirit in me meets the same Spirit in you. It’s the idea that we are one, connected somehow.
Shalom means the same thing, but for a different reason.
One of Jesus’ most famous names is Prince of Peace. It is translated from Sar Shalom. Jesus was sent by YHWH to bring Him and us into unity again. Into peace. In John 17 He prays, “I pray that they will all be one, just as you and I are one—as you are in me, Father, and I am in you. And may they be in us so that the world will believe you sent me.”
Our prayer for Harper is that she will be a person who brings the shalom of God with her wherever she goes. All of the aspects of it. That she will be able to diffuse hostile situations and people, that she can help people to see where their hope and joy and fullness and rest come from. We pray that she will be one who can remind us all that we are all the creations of God, and that we are all loved by Him. We pray that she will be an instrument in His hands that can help bring about unity between those who are at war with Him and themselves and God, who is the source of all that is good, pure, and holy. Most of all we pray that she will experience this shalom.
Together Harper Shalom means “instrument of praise and peace.” What more can we hope than that?
Ivy and Osburn are both surnames.
Ivy came down from John’s paternal grandmother. Osburn from his paternal grandfather.
If you haven’t noticed by now, we believe that heritage is a very important thing. Her first two names are her spiritual heritage, and her last two are her biological and physical heritages. We believe that it is important for Harper to remember where she came from.
My (John’s) grandma Billie is one of my favorite people in the whole wide world. All of my grandparents had a pretty significant hand in raising me, but she did it in a different way.
Namely, as long as I can remember, she has been a servant of Jesus. She was, for a long time, the only Christian I knew. For as far back as I can remember she always modeled that to me. She was always humble. Always joyful. Always hopeful. Always had self-control. She has always been kind, slow to anger, forgiving, and good. Eventually all of my grandparents and parents became that. But she was first. And I never forgot.
I’ve always imagined that one of the great heart breaks of her life is that most of her children don’t carry on that heritage. We wanted Harper to carry the name Ivy to let my grandma know that her heritage is strong and still goes on for another generation. We wanted Harper to remember that people are always watching, and that even when it seems like all hope is lost, your actions can make a difference. Even in your four-year-old grandson.
Luckily, for John, we live in a culture where the last name of the father is passed on to the child. So, Osburn is her last name by default, though it holds a lot of significance to me.
Osburns are, in general, smart, generous, kind, creative, athletic, and proud of where we come from.
We hope that she, too, has these traits also.
To sum up, we think there’s a lot in name!
We see it in almost every culture throughout the history of man. In each of the big three monotheistic religions people are renamed after their conversions. They become Abraham or Peter or Muhammad. Their new names describe who they are, what their purpose is, and what the hopes of the name-giver are.
So, let us explain Harper Shalom Ivy Osburn.
Harper literally means “one who plays the harp,” but the connotation is much, much deeper. Here is what you are saying every time you call our daughter Harper.
In Judaism, the harp is an instrument of joy. It’s the instrument that was used to sing songs of praise and thanks to YHWH. It was the instrument used to compose those songs. Just a brief survey of the Old Testament gives a lot of examples.
In 1 Samuel, immediately after Saul is anointed with oil, he is told to go up the mountain where he will meet prophets playing the harp and lyre, and there the Spirit of the Lord will come upon and he will be changed into a new man. When Saul is struggling with depression later on in life, David comes and plays the harp for him; his mood is always lifted. We see this still today. Music can change our moods, our outlook, the way we perceive things. It makes scary movies scarier, love stories more romantic, and sad moments heart wrenching. Music has a direct connection with the soul.
We hope that Harper is the same way. We pray that she is able to connect with people in a way that seems super-natural. We dream that she will be able to lift moods, reveal emotions, and influence those around her in great ways.
Again in 1 Samuel, Saul is looking for someone to play the harp for him. His servant says, ”I have seen a son of Jesse of Bethlehem who knows how to play the harp. He is a brave man and a warrior. He speaks well and is a fine-looking man. And the LORD is with him." David is the only man that God says is after His heart. David was the greatest king in the history Israel. David was a fierce warrior, and a brave fighter. Above all, though, he was a man after God’s heart.
And he is introduced as one who knows how to play the harp. This was the first way we see him being used. We believe that one of the chief reasons David was able to be so intimate with God was because of his ability to sing and play the harp. We believe that the hours he spent strumming, gave him time contemplate his Lover.
That is our biggest prayer for Harper. That she will be someone who is after God’s heart. That she won’t seek fame or fortune or comfort, but that she will be a woman who seeks His work and face and heart. May she be a person who not only makes time, but makes it a priority to be with her Savior. May she know Him in ways that very few have.
Lastly, by giving her the name Harper, we’re naming her after her father. I’ve always been someone who loved music. I’ve always been someone who sought to use music to make a difference in the world and in individual lives. I hope that we can pass on to her the love and appreciation that we have for music.
Shalom literally translates from Hebrew as peace. It can also be used as a greeting, kind of like aloha. But, again, it’s connotation is much more. A more complete translation would include the words completeness, wholeness, health, peace, welfare, safety soundness, tranquility, prosperity, perfectness, fullness, rest, harmony, the absence of agitation or discord.
The eastern word of namaste has a similar connotation. Most practitioners of Hindu and Buddhism would translate it as the Spirit in me meets the same Spirit in you. It’s the idea that we are one, connected somehow.
Shalom means the same thing, but for a different reason.
One of Jesus’ most famous names is Prince of Peace. It is translated from Sar Shalom. Jesus was sent by YHWH to bring Him and us into unity again. Into peace. In John 17 He prays, “I pray that they will all be one, just as you and I are one—as you are in me, Father, and I am in you. And may they be in us so that the world will believe you sent me.”
Our prayer for Harper is that she will be a person who brings the shalom of God with her wherever she goes. All of the aspects of it. That she will be able to diffuse hostile situations and people, that she can help people to see where their hope and joy and fullness and rest come from. We pray that she will be one who can remind us all that we are all the creations of God, and that we are all loved by Him. We pray that she will be an instrument in His hands that can help bring about unity between those who are at war with Him and themselves and God, who is the source of all that is good, pure, and holy. Most of all we pray that she will experience this shalom.
Together Harper Shalom means “instrument of praise and peace.” What more can we hope than that?
Ivy and Osburn are both surnames.
Ivy came down from John’s paternal grandmother. Osburn from his paternal grandfather.
If you haven’t noticed by now, we believe that heritage is a very important thing. Her first two names are her spiritual heritage, and her last two are her biological and physical heritages. We believe that it is important for Harper to remember where she came from.
My (John’s) grandma Billie is one of my favorite people in the whole wide world. All of my grandparents had a pretty significant hand in raising me, but she did it in a different way.
Namely, as long as I can remember, she has been a servant of Jesus. She was, for a long time, the only Christian I knew. For as far back as I can remember she always modeled that to me. She was always humble. Always joyful. Always hopeful. Always had self-control. She has always been kind, slow to anger, forgiving, and good. Eventually all of my grandparents and parents became that. But she was first. And I never forgot.
I’ve always imagined that one of the great heart breaks of her life is that most of her children don’t carry on that heritage. We wanted Harper to carry the name Ivy to let my grandma know that her heritage is strong and still goes on for another generation. We wanted Harper to remember that people are always watching, and that even when it seems like all hope is lost, your actions can make a difference. Even in your four-year-old grandson.
Luckily, for John, we live in a culture where the last name of the father is passed on to the child. So, Osburn is her last name by default, though it holds a lot of significance to me.
Osburns are, in general, smart, generous, kind, creative, athletic, and proud of where we come from.
We hope that she, too, has these traits also.
To sum up, we think there’s a lot in name!
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