It's been 2 weeks and 5 days since Harper was born and I thought it was time to give an update on how I'm doing.
The good, the bad and the ugly.
Body:
Doing good. I'm healing well from my episiotomy and I rarely have pain. My skin is still sensitive on my stomach and when Olivia wants to walk all over me it hurts and I have to move her. I think she is catching the drift cause she lays on my legs now. :) For about 2 weeks all the muscles in my body were achy- felt like I got an ass whoopin'--I guess that's pretty much what happened. And getting used to the way my body looks after having had a baby is tough, but I have to remember I'm still not at my best yet. I just have to be patient. But again, things are going well in that department as well. It amazes me that a womans' body can actually heal from shoving a human out of your *gulp* bajingo.
Mind:
Also, dong well. I still have to control my thoughts, especially when I'm tired. That's when it's the hardest. When I'm exhausted and running on empty I get the most discouraged. I haven't felt the "I'm SO not equipped to be a mother" moment. -I know I will and I'll have many. I have had to battle the "John is a better parent cause Harper stops crying when he holds her" moments though. I guess that's kinds the same thing... and that's a slippery slope.
Heart:
This is where it gets a little tricky. I am doing much much better than I was, but whether it's crazy post pregnant hormones, wishing we could be home to share this with our families and friends, the lack of sleep, healing, hating breastfeeding or a combination of all, it's been rough. It was hard for me when Harper was first born because I thought I would love her the second I saw her. That overwhelming, crying your eyes out, love. And I didn't experience that. At all. She felt like a stranger to me. A stranger that put me in a lot of pain, stole all my sleep and made me uncomfortable for 9 months. I didn't have any regret, I just felt lost.
The breastfeeding was hell. It hurt and we were both learning how to do it. She needed to eat every hour and a half and it felt like it was all I did and it was very painful. Who would want to subject themselves to more pain?!? And the idea of me producing milk really weirded me out. I felt heferish-in the true sense of the word. Now at almost 3 weeks we are so much better and it isn't as challenging anymore. I still don't like it, but the perseverance paid off. It usually does. :)
I miss home more than I ever have. We anticipated that, I just want our family and friends to get to hold her, love her and hang out with her! There are SO many people that have yet to meet her and it just doesn't feel complete without her having met them. They all will, eventually and it will make it that much sweeter when they do.
To sum it all up, I don't feel as lost. We are figuring things out. When I look at her I see my Harper. Our daughter. She makes me heart smile.
And that love I was waiting for? It came. Just in littler pieces, over a longer period of time. But it's everything I thought it would be and as overwhelming as I hoped. There is no disappointment there. Or anywhere, for that matter.
harper's stats
Friday, August 28, 2009
August 13th- 8 lbs 4 oz.
19 3/4 inches long.
August 17th- 7 lbs. 12 oz.
20 inches long
Head circumference: 13 3/4 inches
August 27th- 8 lbs 11 oz
21 3/4 inches long
Head circumference: 14 1/4 inches
Her growth percentiles:
August 13th- Weight: 67%
Height: 61%
August 17th- Weight: 51%
Height: 64%
August 27th- Weight: 64%
Height: 92% WOW!!!
We have such a big, healthy girl!!! We are so proud of her. She is growing up strong and so healthy. She can already hold her head up.
Sometimes it seems I take my health for granted. Last year, while working with special needs children I saw for the first time how blessed I am to be healthy-and I don't see Harper's health any differently. So many cell divisions and replications and crazy, miraculous nerve networkng things happen while making a human. And we are truly blessed and extremely thankful God gave us a healthy happy child.
She is incredible. Perfect and beautiful.
19 3/4 inches long.
August 17th- 7 lbs. 12 oz.
20 inches long
Head circumference: 13 3/4 inches
August 27th- 8 lbs 11 oz
21 3/4 inches long
Head circumference: 14 1/4 inches
Her growth percentiles:
August 13th- Weight: 67%
Height: 61%
August 17th- Weight: 51%
Height: 64%
August 27th- Weight: 64%
Height: 92% WOW!!!
We have such a big, healthy girl!!! We are so proud of her. She is growing up strong and so healthy. She can already hold her head up.
Sometimes it seems I take my health for granted. Last year, while working with special needs children I saw for the first time how blessed I am to be healthy-and I don't see Harper's health any differently. So many cell divisions and replications and crazy, miraculous nerve networkng things happen while making a human. And we are truly blessed and extremely thankful God gave us a healthy happy child.
She is incredible. Perfect and beautiful.
11 days in...
Monday, August 24, 2009
Eyes- For sure Johnny's. Her eyes are still gray, but the shape are 100% his.
Nose- Again, John's fo' sho'. It was the 1st thing I noticed!
Mouth- John says she has mine. I don't quite see it, but she doesn't have John's. We'll see, I guess. :)
Ears- Don't know. Maybe she just has her own.
Hands- The only feature she has that I know resembles me! She has very long, delicate fingers!
Feet- Oh my gosh. She has MASSIVE feet. She has john's hammer toes! John is size 12 and she doesn't seem too far behind him. :)
Scowl- So I have this scowl...I've had it ever since I can remember and I've had wrinkles in between my eyes from it since a young age! She has it and every time she scowls at us it makes us laugh out loud!
She farts like no one's business. It sounds like a grown man who just had Chimichangas with an extra side of beans for dinner.
Her cry is getting louder and she has real tears now.
She examines our faces and responds to our voices. When she calms down from me or John's talking it melts our hearts.
She is smiling!!! I know all the books say it can't be possible and that it's just gas, but I don't believe it! She smiles when we poke her tummy or make funny noises.
She is so alert. Her eyes are wide open most of the time and she examines patterns on the wall. She also loves to watch tv! The colors and noises captivate her little mind!
And of course with no surprise to us, she loves music. While we were at church yesterday she was so happy and content when the music started and John began singing. The loud drums and dynamics of the songs never once phased her.
She has already changed so much! She is happy little baby. We love to watch her. We completely adore her.
Especially when she lets us sleep :)
Nose- Again, John's fo' sho'. It was the 1st thing I noticed!
Mouth- John says she has mine. I don't quite see it, but she doesn't have John's. We'll see, I guess. :)
Ears- Don't know. Maybe she just has her own.
Hands- The only feature she has that I know resembles me! She has very long, delicate fingers!
Feet- Oh my gosh. She has MASSIVE feet. She has john's hammer toes! John is size 12 and she doesn't seem too far behind him. :)
Scowl- So I have this scowl...I've had it ever since I can remember and I've had wrinkles in between my eyes from it since a young age! She has it and every time she scowls at us it makes us laugh out loud!
She farts like no one's business. It sounds like a grown man who just had Chimichangas with an extra side of beans for dinner.
Her cry is getting louder and she has real tears now.
She examines our faces and responds to our voices. When she calms down from me or John's talking it melts our hearts.
She is smiling!!! I know all the books say it can't be possible and that it's just gas, but I don't believe it! She smiles when we poke her tummy or make funny noises.
She is so alert. Her eyes are wide open most of the time and she examines patterns on the wall. She also loves to watch tv! The colors and noises captivate her little mind!
And of course with no surprise to us, she loves music. While we were at church yesterday she was so happy and content when the music started and John began singing. The loud drums and dynamics of the songs never once phased her.
She has already changed so much! She is happy little baby. We love to watch her. We completely adore her.
Especially when she lets us sleep :)
Pain before the Beauty
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
We were due August 5th. The 5th came and went with no activity at all. In fact, we spent the day in San Fransisco! I had been having contractions for about 2 weeks, but they weren't painful and I was discouraged when I went to the doctor on the 5th and found out I still hadn't dilated at all. So they had a plan to induce me the following Wednesday.
Wed, Aug 12th finally came and we went into the doctor at 9 am and they sent us over to the hospital to be induced. The minute they said those words my mind kind of shut down and I went into a very quiet place in my mind. We got to the hospital about 10:45, checked in, and more waiting began. They finally started the IV drip of pitocin about 4 pm and we just sat around, played cards and watched movies.
At 10 pm the midwife came in and told me they had decided to take me off the pitocin and give me a pill that would help to soften my cervix. (remember, it's my cervix that seems to be the problem here; my uterus is a champ!) It's a pill that is given every 4 hours until your cervix is soft enough, so again I felt a little discouraged knowing it could be many hours until I was on the pitocin again, but on the other hand if the pitocin wasn't doing anything it was time wasted anyway. At 11 pm I got the pill and an Ambien to help me sleep. It worked fast!!! I felt drunk; While we were watching Conan, I kept commenting on how BJ Novak looked like a midget!
At 4.45 am they came in and said my cervix was completely ready. The joy of that was short lived because as the midwife was examining me she said "I'm gonna help you out a little bit." I had no idea what she meant by that until sharp stabbing pains radiated through my body and I started shaking uncontrollably. It got more and more intense until she said "There, now you are at 3cm." She dilated me from a 0 to a 3 with her fingers, but the pain quickly went away. Honestly, I'm thankful she didn't tell me what she was gonna do before she did it.
I stayed awake watching "Birth Stories" on the Discovery Health Channel; whether that was a good idea or not i don't know. :) John was up by 6 and I was starting to feel a little pain by then, but it was completely manageable and I was still able to relax and breathe through each contraction. John and I had been practicing controlling my thoughts and relaxing for over 5 months because our wish from the very beginning was to have a completely natural childbirth. Getting induced was disappointing because we started out with drugs. Plus, pitocin tends to make labor a little more intense than natural labor. NOT because the pain is less but because in a natural labor the pattern of a contraction builds and then goes back down completely. While an induced labor the contraction builds, then only goes down about halfway, then builds again.
At about 9 am, Susan, my mid-wife, came in just to make sure everything was going okay. I was excited when I saw her because I had seen 3 or 4 times at the doctors office, and I really liked her. She seemed so confident and caring and straight-forward. I trusted her.
She checked me, and I was still at 3 cm. But told me she could stretch me to four. She decided to break my water and said it would speed up the whole process. I was discouraged about the dilation being at 3 still, but hopeful that the water breakage would speed it up.
Soon after that, my mom and sister had come back into the room. I was beginning to feel more intense pain, but I was still doing okay. My mom and Mary started playing cards on the couch, while John sat by my side and talked me through each contraction.
The pain kept getting worse with each passing one, until at 10 am I had to start moaning through each contraction. I felt like I was yelling, but John and Mary both said I wasn't. I was having contractions every 3 minutes that lasted for about 90 seconds each. That means that I had only 90 seconds between each one to relax and regroup. John said it looked as if I were falling asleep between each one. (John: Emily did incredible with this. For 5 months we had talked about regrouping between each contraction, and here she was getting so relaxed, she looked to be asleep. I couldn't be prouder!)
By 10:30 I decided I needed some help with the pain. I wanted to make sure I had some progress though before I took them because they were only effective for an hour and you could only get four doses. I knew that if I was still at 3 cm, then I wouldn't make it all the way to 10 without an epidural. I was hoping to be at 7 or 8 before I had anything at all. John went to the nurses station to ask them to check me. Jackie, my nurse, came in and checked me out. Again. At first she said I was still at four maybe a five. She told me she was going to leave her hand there during my next contraction. I guess this would let her know how strong my contractions were and it would also stimulate my cervix, and she said it would help to speed things up even more.
Again, I was disappointed at the progress but encouraged that things were going to speed up.
At 10:45 I couldn't take the pain anymore. John went to get Jackie, and she came into my room to give me some fentanyl. It's a narcotic that is supposed to dull the pain. It doesn't take the pain away, just takes the edge off so that you can relax a little easier; that's what they said anyway. The more you can relax, the quicker you will dilate. Jackie said she'd have to wait until my next contraction to give it to me so that the baby wouldn't get too much of it.
When my next contraction came she gave me the fentanyl and asked if I could feel it. I told her I couldn't feel any difference, but John said later that it helped me to relax.
About 10 minutes after she after left my contractions began to get really painful. John sat with me holding my hands and helped me through each contraction. In my mind, I was trying to focus on each contraction bringing me closer to the end, but the idea of an epidural began to creep in a little more with every one- although I still wasn't willing to give in just yet. Like I said, we had been "training" for this delivery for many months and we both weren't willing to throw in the towel.
For 45 minutes we went through this. 90 seconds of intense pain followed by 90 seconds of complete exhaustion.
At 11:30, I began to have the strong impulse to push. Just then Jackie walked in. I told her I had to push, and she said she wanted to see the progress I had made, but I definitely couldn't push. She didn't think there was anyway I could have gone from 5 cm to 10 cm dilation in 45 minutes.
But I did!
As soon as she checked me, she doubted herself and checked again. Then she said I could push! The relief was overwhelming. I had just gotten to the point where I felt I couldn't go on. My mom said her labor went extremely fast and when she reached 10 cm she felt something had to give. She felt either an epidural or pushing was in order!!! My experience seemed to be the same!
When I began to push, the pain became much more bearable. It was still painful, but it was a different pain. During the contractions right before I got to push were exhausting because I had to focus so hard on not pushing; Just being able to push was a huge relief. Holding back from pushing while everything in your body is trying to push s extremely uncomfortable, painful and very exhausting. Taking short quick breaths (kind of like panting) was the only way I was able to bear through it.
I think I surprised the nurse with how well I could push. She asked me if I was sure I'd never had kids before. That felt so encouraging to hear. With every push I imagined every last bit of strength focusing right onto the point of where I was pushing. I pushed for about 10 minutes before Susan came in to see the progress. She also made a comment about good I was at pushing. It felt good to hear.
The pain was still very intense, but it felt so good to push. Like I was made to do it.
I pushed for a minute every 3 minutes for 70 minutes. I remember several times feeling her move back up after I was done pushing. It felt I was taking two steps forward and one step back. Which frustrated me!
As Harper's head was coming out, Susan had to give me an episiotomy. She said these were very normal for fast births just like mine. I remember thinking that I would finally know if it's true that you can't feel when they cut you. You don't.
After two more pushes, her head was all the way out. The weirdest thing I felt during my whole labor was when her shoulders rotated out. I actually asked the midwife what was going on. It was the only time I thought I was going to burst open. She told me it was just her shoulders and there was nothing to worry about.
Right after that she said, "Reach down and grab your baby, Emily!" As I pulled her up and set her on my chest, her eyes were wide open, and I thought, "So this is what you look like." I made sure she was a girl, noticed she didn't have a conehead, she was not covered in that white waxy stuff, her hands and feet were peely, (from being a week overdue) and I decided that I thought she was pretty! :) Not all weird looking like a bunch of babies immediately after birth. I looked up at John and saw a couple little tears, and then he looked at me and gave me the sweetest smile. Then he said, "Hi, baby. I'm your daddy." She picked up her head and strained her neck to look back at him.
That moment gave me a glimpse into human kind. It was something that could never be captured in a movie, or song, or blog. The intensity is something that still overwhelms my heart a over a week later. I hope it continues to overwhelm me.
John cut her umbilical cord and we held her for about an hour.
The most relieving part of birth, the part that every woman can look forward to, was when the placenta came out. I instantly felt like I wasn't prego anymore!!! It was great news for someone who didn't enjoy being pregnant, like me.
Although our birth was not what we expected, we're both so pleased. Our biggest goal was to not have an epidural, and to keep myself under control. We accomplished them both.
It was piece of cake.
Almost.
Wed, Aug 12th finally came and we went into the doctor at 9 am and they sent us over to the hospital to be induced. The minute they said those words my mind kind of shut down and I went into a very quiet place in my mind. We got to the hospital about 10:45, checked in, and more waiting began. They finally started the IV drip of pitocin about 4 pm and we just sat around, played cards and watched movies.
At 10 pm the midwife came in and told me they had decided to take me off the pitocin and give me a pill that would help to soften my cervix. (remember, it's my cervix that seems to be the problem here; my uterus is a champ!) It's a pill that is given every 4 hours until your cervix is soft enough, so again I felt a little discouraged knowing it could be many hours until I was on the pitocin again, but on the other hand if the pitocin wasn't doing anything it was time wasted anyway. At 11 pm I got the pill and an Ambien to help me sleep. It worked fast!!! I felt drunk; While we were watching Conan, I kept commenting on how BJ Novak looked like a midget!
At 4.45 am they came in and said my cervix was completely ready. The joy of that was short lived because as the midwife was examining me she said "I'm gonna help you out a little bit." I had no idea what she meant by that until sharp stabbing pains radiated through my body and I started shaking uncontrollably. It got more and more intense until she said "There, now you are at 3cm." She dilated me from a 0 to a 3 with her fingers, but the pain quickly went away. Honestly, I'm thankful she didn't tell me what she was gonna do before she did it.
I stayed awake watching "Birth Stories" on the Discovery Health Channel; whether that was a good idea or not i don't know. :) John was up by 6 and I was starting to feel a little pain by then, but it was completely manageable and I was still able to relax and breathe through each contraction. John and I had been practicing controlling my thoughts and relaxing for over 5 months because our wish from the very beginning was to have a completely natural childbirth. Getting induced was disappointing because we started out with drugs. Plus, pitocin tends to make labor a little more intense than natural labor. NOT because the pain is less but because in a natural labor the pattern of a contraction builds and then goes back down completely. While an induced labor the contraction builds, then only goes down about halfway, then builds again.
At about 9 am, Susan, my mid-wife, came in just to make sure everything was going okay. I was excited when I saw her because I had seen 3 or 4 times at the doctors office, and I really liked her. She seemed so confident and caring and straight-forward. I trusted her.
She checked me, and I was still at 3 cm. But told me she could stretch me to four. She decided to break my water and said it would speed up the whole process. I was discouraged about the dilation being at 3 still, but hopeful that the water breakage would speed it up.
Soon after that, my mom and sister had come back into the room. I was beginning to feel more intense pain, but I was still doing okay. My mom and Mary started playing cards on the couch, while John sat by my side and talked me through each contraction.
The pain kept getting worse with each passing one, until at 10 am I had to start moaning through each contraction. I felt like I was yelling, but John and Mary both said I wasn't. I was having contractions every 3 minutes that lasted for about 90 seconds each. That means that I had only 90 seconds between each one to relax and regroup. John said it looked as if I were falling asleep between each one. (John: Emily did incredible with this. For 5 months we had talked about regrouping between each contraction, and here she was getting so relaxed, she looked to be asleep. I couldn't be prouder!)
By 10:30 I decided I needed some help with the pain. I wanted to make sure I had some progress though before I took them because they were only effective for an hour and you could only get four doses. I knew that if I was still at 3 cm, then I wouldn't make it all the way to 10 without an epidural. I was hoping to be at 7 or 8 before I had anything at all. John went to the nurses station to ask them to check me. Jackie, my nurse, came in and checked me out. Again. At first she said I was still at four maybe a five. She told me she was going to leave her hand there during my next contraction. I guess this would let her know how strong my contractions were and it would also stimulate my cervix, and she said it would help to speed things up even more.
Again, I was disappointed at the progress but encouraged that things were going to speed up.
At 10:45 I couldn't take the pain anymore. John went to get Jackie, and she came into my room to give me some fentanyl. It's a narcotic that is supposed to dull the pain. It doesn't take the pain away, just takes the edge off so that you can relax a little easier; that's what they said anyway. The more you can relax, the quicker you will dilate. Jackie said she'd have to wait until my next contraction to give it to me so that the baby wouldn't get too much of it.
When my next contraction came she gave me the fentanyl and asked if I could feel it. I told her I couldn't feel any difference, but John said later that it helped me to relax.
About 10 minutes after she after left my contractions began to get really painful. John sat with me holding my hands and helped me through each contraction. In my mind, I was trying to focus on each contraction bringing me closer to the end, but the idea of an epidural began to creep in a little more with every one- although I still wasn't willing to give in just yet. Like I said, we had been "training" for this delivery for many months and we both weren't willing to throw in the towel.
For 45 minutes we went through this. 90 seconds of intense pain followed by 90 seconds of complete exhaustion.
At 11:30, I began to have the strong impulse to push. Just then Jackie walked in. I told her I had to push, and she said she wanted to see the progress I had made, but I definitely couldn't push. She didn't think there was anyway I could have gone from 5 cm to 10 cm dilation in 45 minutes.
But I did!
As soon as she checked me, she doubted herself and checked again. Then she said I could push! The relief was overwhelming. I had just gotten to the point where I felt I couldn't go on. My mom said her labor went extremely fast and when she reached 10 cm she felt something had to give. She felt either an epidural or pushing was in order!!! My experience seemed to be the same!
When I began to push, the pain became much more bearable. It was still painful, but it was a different pain. During the contractions right before I got to push were exhausting because I had to focus so hard on not pushing; Just being able to push was a huge relief. Holding back from pushing while everything in your body is trying to push s extremely uncomfortable, painful and very exhausting. Taking short quick breaths (kind of like panting) was the only way I was able to bear through it.
I think I surprised the nurse with how well I could push. She asked me if I was sure I'd never had kids before. That felt so encouraging to hear. With every push I imagined every last bit of strength focusing right onto the point of where I was pushing. I pushed for about 10 minutes before Susan came in to see the progress. She also made a comment about good I was at pushing. It felt good to hear.
The pain was still very intense, but it felt so good to push. Like I was made to do it.
I pushed for a minute every 3 minutes for 70 minutes. I remember several times feeling her move back up after I was done pushing. It felt I was taking two steps forward and one step back. Which frustrated me!
As Harper's head was coming out, Susan had to give me an episiotomy. She said these were very normal for fast births just like mine. I remember thinking that I would finally know if it's true that you can't feel when they cut you. You don't.
After two more pushes, her head was all the way out. The weirdest thing I felt during my whole labor was when her shoulders rotated out. I actually asked the midwife what was going on. It was the only time I thought I was going to burst open. She told me it was just her shoulders and there was nothing to worry about.
Right after that she said, "Reach down and grab your baby, Emily!" As I pulled her up and set her on my chest, her eyes were wide open, and I thought, "So this is what you look like." I made sure she was a girl, noticed she didn't have a conehead, she was not covered in that white waxy stuff, her hands and feet were peely, (from being a week overdue) and I decided that I thought she was pretty! :) Not all weird looking like a bunch of babies immediately after birth. I looked up at John and saw a couple little tears, and then he looked at me and gave me the sweetest smile. Then he said, "Hi, baby. I'm your daddy." She picked up her head and strained her neck to look back at him.
That moment gave me a glimpse into human kind. It was something that could never be captured in a movie, or song, or blog. The intensity is something that still overwhelms my heart a over a week later. I hope it continues to overwhelm me.
John cut her umbilical cord and we held her for about an hour.
The most relieving part of birth, the part that every woman can look forward to, was when the placenta came out. I instantly felt like I wasn't prego anymore!!! It was great news for someone who didn't enjoy being pregnant, like me.
Although our birth was not what we expected, we're both so pleased. Our biggest goal was to not have an epidural, and to keep myself under control. We accomplished them both.
It was piece of cake.
Almost.
What’s in a name?
Friday, August 14, 2009
Romeo said, “What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." While we do think this true for some things, we also believe that a name has a very strong influence over someone.
We see it in almost every culture throughout the history of man. In each of the big three monotheistic religions people are renamed after their conversions. They become Abraham or Peter or Muhammad. Their new names describe who they are, what their purpose is, and what the hopes of the name-giver are.
So, let us explain Harper Shalom Ivy Osburn.
Harper literally means “one who plays the harp,” but the connotation is much, much deeper. Here is what you are saying every time you call our daughter Harper.
In Judaism, the harp is an instrument of joy. It’s the instrument that was used to sing songs of praise and thanks to YHWH. It was the instrument used to compose those songs. Just a brief survey of the Old Testament gives a lot of examples.
In 1 Samuel, immediately after Saul is anointed with oil, he is told to go up the mountain where he will meet prophets playing the harp and lyre, and there the Spirit of the Lord will come upon and he will be changed into a new man. When Saul is struggling with depression later on in life, David comes and plays the harp for him; his mood is always lifted. We see this still today. Music can change our moods, our outlook, the way we perceive things. It makes scary movies scarier, love stories more romantic, and sad moments heart wrenching. Music has a direct connection with the soul.
We hope that Harper is the same way. We pray that she is able to connect with people in a way that seems super-natural. We dream that she will be able to lift moods, reveal emotions, and influence those around her in great ways.
Again in 1 Samuel, Saul is looking for someone to play the harp for him. His servant says, ”I have seen a son of Jesse of Bethlehem who knows how to play the harp. He is a brave man and a warrior. He speaks well and is a fine-looking man. And the LORD is with him." David is the only man that God says is after His heart. David was the greatest king in the history Israel. David was a fierce warrior, and a brave fighter. Above all, though, he was a man after God’s heart.
And he is introduced as one who knows how to play the harp. This was the first way we see him being used. We believe that one of the chief reasons David was able to be so intimate with God was because of his ability to sing and play the harp. We believe that the hours he spent strumming, gave him time contemplate his Lover.
That is our biggest prayer for Harper. That she will be someone who is after God’s heart. That she won’t seek fame or fortune or comfort, but that she will be a woman who seeks His work and face and heart. May she be a person who not only makes time, but makes it a priority to be with her Savior. May she know Him in ways that very few have.
Lastly, by giving her the name Harper, we’re naming her after her father. I’ve always been someone who loved music. I’ve always been someone who sought to use music to make a difference in the world and in individual lives. I hope that we can pass on to her the love and appreciation that we have for music.
Shalom literally translates from Hebrew as peace. It can also be used as a greeting, kind of like aloha. But, again, it’s connotation is much more. A more complete translation would include the words completeness, wholeness, health, peace, welfare, safety soundness, tranquility, prosperity, perfectness, fullness, rest, harmony, the absence of agitation or discord.
The eastern word of namaste has a similar connotation. Most practitioners of Hindu and Buddhism would translate it as the Spirit in me meets the same Spirit in you. It’s the idea that we are one, connected somehow.
Shalom means the same thing, but for a different reason.
One of Jesus’ most famous names is Prince of Peace. It is translated from Sar Shalom. Jesus was sent by YHWH to bring Him and us into unity again. Into peace. In John 17 He prays, “I pray that they will all be one, just as you and I are one—as you are in me, Father, and I am in you. And may they be in us so that the world will believe you sent me.”
Our prayer for Harper is that she will be a person who brings the shalom of God with her wherever she goes. All of the aspects of it. That she will be able to diffuse hostile situations and people, that she can help people to see where their hope and joy and fullness and rest come from. We pray that she will be one who can remind us all that we are all the creations of God, and that we are all loved by Him. We pray that she will be an instrument in His hands that can help bring about unity between those who are at war with Him and themselves and God, who is the source of all that is good, pure, and holy. Most of all we pray that she will experience this shalom.
Together Harper Shalom means “instrument of praise and peace.” What more can we hope than that?
Ivy and Osburn are both surnames.
Ivy came down from John’s paternal grandmother. Osburn from his paternal grandfather.
If you haven’t noticed by now, we believe that heritage is a very important thing. Her first two names are her spiritual heritage, and her last two are her biological and physical heritages. We believe that it is important for Harper to remember where she came from.
My (John’s) grandma Billie is one of my favorite people in the whole wide world. All of my grandparents had a pretty significant hand in raising me, but she did it in a different way.
Namely, as long as I can remember, she has been a servant of Jesus. She was, for a long time, the only Christian I knew. For as far back as I can remember she always modeled that to me. She was always humble. Always joyful. Always hopeful. Always had self-control. She has always been kind, slow to anger, forgiving, and good. Eventually all of my grandparents and parents became that. But she was first. And I never forgot.
I’ve always imagined that one of the great heart breaks of her life is that most of her children don’t carry on that heritage. We wanted Harper to carry the name Ivy to let my grandma know that her heritage is strong and still goes on for another generation. We wanted Harper to remember that people are always watching, and that even when it seems like all hope is lost, your actions can make a difference. Even in your four-year-old grandson.
Luckily, for John, we live in a culture where the last name of the father is passed on to the child. So, Osburn is her last name by default, though it holds a lot of significance to me.
Osburns are, in general, smart, generous, kind, creative, athletic, and proud of where we come from.
We hope that she, too, has these traits also.
To sum up, we think there’s a lot in name!
We see it in almost every culture throughout the history of man. In each of the big three monotheistic religions people are renamed after their conversions. They become Abraham or Peter or Muhammad. Their new names describe who they are, what their purpose is, and what the hopes of the name-giver are.
So, let us explain Harper Shalom Ivy Osburn.
Harper literally means “one who plays the harp,” but the connotation is much, much deeper. Here is what you are saying every time you call our daughter Harper.
In Judaism, the harp is an instrument of joy. It’s the instrument that was used to sing songs of praise and thanks to YHWH. It was the instrument used to compose those songs. Just a brief survey of the Old Testament gives a lot of examples.
In 1 Samuel, immediately after Saul is anointed with oil, he is told to go up the mountain where he will meet prophets playing the harp and lyre, and there the Spirit of the Lord will come upon and he will be changed into a new man. When Saul is struggling with depression later on in life, David comes and plays the harp for him; his mood is always lifted. We see this still today. Music can change our moods, our outlook, the way we perceive things. It makes scary movies scarier, love stories more romantic, and sad moments heart wrenching. Music has a direct connection with the soul.
We hope that Harper is the same way. We pray that she is able to connect with people in a way that seems super-natural. We dream that she will be able to lift moods, reveal emotions, and influence those around her in great ways.
Again in 1 Samuel, Saul is looking for someone to play the harp for him. His servant says, ”I have seen a son of Jesse of Bethlehem who knows how to play the harp. He is a brave man and a warrior. He speaks well and is a fine-looking man. And the LORD is with him." David is the only man that God says is after His heart. David was the greatest king in the history Israel. David was a fierce warrior, and a brave fighter. Above all, though, he was a man after God’s heart.
And he is introduced as one who knows how to play the harp. This was the first way we see him being used. We believe that one of the chief reasons David was able to be so intimate with God was because of his ability to sing and play the harp. We believe that the hours he spent strumming, gave him time contemplate his Lover.
That is our biggest prayer for Harper. That she will be someone who is after God’s heart. That she won’t seek fame or fortune or comfort, but that she will be a woman who seeks His work and face and heart. May she be a person who not only makes time, but makes it a priority to be with her Savior. May she know Him in ways that very few have.
Lastly, by giving her the name Harper, we’re naming her after her father. I’ve always been someone who loved music. I’ve always been someone who sought to use music to make a difference in the world and in individual lives. I hope that we can pass on to her the love and appreciation that we have for music.
Shalom literally translates from Hebrew as peace. It can also be used as a greeting, kind of like aloha. But, again, it’s connotation is much more. A more complete translation would include the words completeness, wholeness, health, peace, welfare, safety soundness, tranquility, prosperity, perfectness, fullness, rest, harmony, the absence of agitation or discord.
The eastern word of namaste has a similar connotation. Most practitioners of Hindu and Buddhism would translate it as the Spirit in me meets the same Spirit in you. It’s the idea that we are one, connected somehow.
Shalom means the same thing, but for a different reason.
One of Jesus’ most famous names is Prince of Peace. It is translated from Sar Shalom. Jesus was sent by YHWH to bring Him and us into unity again. Into peace. In John 17 He prays, “I pray that they will all be one, just as you and I are one—as you are in me, Father, and I am in you. And may they be in us so that the world will believe you sent me.”
Our prayer for Harper is that she will be a person who brings the shalom of God with her wherever she goes. All of the aspects of it. That she will be able to diffuse hostile situations and people, that she can help people to see where their hope and joy and fullness and rest come from. We pray that she will be one who can remind us all that we are all the creations of God, and that we are all loved by Him. We pray that she will be an instrument in His hands that can help bring about unity between those who are at war with Him and themselves and God, who is the source of all that is good, pure, and holy. Most of all we pray that she will experience this shalom.
Together Harper Shalom means “instrument of praise and peace.” What more can we hope than that?
Ivy and Osburn are both surnames.
Ivy came down from John’s paternal grandmother. Osburn from his paternal grandfather.
If you haven’t noticed by now, we believe that heritage is a very important thing. Her first two names are her spiritual heritage, and her last two are her biological and physical heritages. We believe that it is important for Harper to remember where she came from.
My (John’s) grandma Billie is one of my favorite people in the whole wide world. All of my grandparents had a pretty significant hand in raising me, but she did it in a different way.
Namely, as long as I can remember, she has been a servant of Jesus. She was, for a long time, the only Christian I knew. For as far back as I can remember she always modeled that to me. She was always humble. Always joyful. Always hopeful. Always had self-control. She has always been kind, slow to anger, forgiving, and good. Eventually all of my grandparents and parents became that. But she was first. And I never forgot.
I’ve always imagined that one of the great heart breaks of her life is that most of her children don’t carry on that heritage. We wanted Harper to carry the name Ivy to let my grandma know that her heritage is strong and still goes on for another generation. We wanted Harper to remember that people are always watching, and that even when it seems like all hope is lost, your actions can make a difference. Even in your four-year-old grandson.
Luckily, for John, we live in a culture where the last name of the father is passed on to the child. So, Osburn is her last name by default, though it holds a lot of significance to me.
Osburns are, in general, smart, generous, kind, creative, athletic, and proud of where we come from.
We hope that she, too, has these traits also.
To sum up, we think there’s a lot in name!
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